And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’” -Matthew 19:5, NLT When my first marriage was falling apart, I remember someone bringing up the idea of “starter marriages.” The idea is one where the first marriage is simply … Continue reading ““Starter Marriage” Nonsense”
Category: Cheating
“What about their soul?”
“What about their soul? You could win them back by how you respond,” says well-meaning, naive Christian. This burden is unfair. There is enough pressure on faithful spouses. They don’t need more spiritual shaming. Faithful spouses are Jesus. They do not save souls. Only Jesus can do this. It is spiritually unhealthy to suggest otherwise. Just … Continue reading ““What about their soul?””
Discern by their fruit
A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. …Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. -Matthew 7:17, 20, NLT When talking about love, I would recommend to look at actions and not just words. Cheaters will say all … Continue reading “Discern by their fruit”
Have to choose!
After discovering an inappropriate relationship, a strong indicator over the repentant nature of the cheater is how they handle that relationship going forward. They must choose: Is their marriage more important than this fantasy-fling or is this illicit relationship more important to them? A cheater who stays “friends” with their affair partner is telling faithful … Continue reading “Have to choose!”
Cheater Speak: “I really never intended to hurt you.”
“You got to understand. I never intended to hurt you.” -Cheater Why would a cheater tell their spouse that they never wanted or intended to hurt them? I think this is all about protecting themselves. The cheater is attempting to protect themselves from the reality of what they did. By attempting to get agreement about … Continue reading “Cheater Speak: “I really never intended to hurt you.””
Jesus condemned emotional affairs, too.
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. -Matthew 5:28, NIV Too often, emotional affairs are treated by Christians and professionals as symptoms as opposed to sins. Clearly, Jesus saw emotional affairs as sins. They were only symptomatic insofar as they are … Continue reading “Jesus condemned emotional affairs, too.”
Decided not to call
I discovered many calls and texts between my (now) ex-wife and her adultery partner. They were at all times of the day and night. One of my counselors asked if I was interested in calling the Other Man (OM). I really was not interested. Looking back, I think I did not want to engage this … Continue reading “Decided not to call”
Initially thought it started good…
When we married, we likely had no idea our marriage would end the way it did. It was a happy day. Sure, the saying goes that hindsight is 20/20. We might now notice things we never noticed prior to that wedding day. However, the marriage started with hope and joy. That is healthy. I do … Continue reading “Initially thought it started good…”
Lectured by (ex) in-laws
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. -Ephesians 6:4, NLT Show of–virtual–hands, how many had in-laws who lectured you about your deficiencies as a spouse? If you are looking for the source of blinding … Continue reading “Lectured by (ex) in-laws”
Why are you exhorting the faithful spouse to forgive?
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. -Romans 12:15, NKJV What astounds me about some Christians is how they believe they are helping faithful spouses by telling them that they must forgive their cheater. Most of us–faithful spouses–already understand forgiving our cheater is on the docket of things to do in … Continue reading “Why are you exhorting the faithful spouse to forgive?”