Two Questions Behind the Questions: 1. “Did you deserve the abandonment or being cheated on?” 2. “Did you learn your “lesson(s)” from being cheated on/divorced?” What a messed up world we live in where Christians are given a free pass to probe a soul rape victim with questions about what he or she has learned … Continue reading “Two Questions Behind the Questions”
Category: Emotional Affair
A Jacked Up Past Is No Excuse
“You must not commit adultery.” -Exodus 20:14, NLT All sort of horrible things may have happened to a cheater in his or her own past. Their family of origin might have made the Adams’ family look like a picture of normality. It does not matter. God does not give out permission slips to commit adultery … Continue reading “A Jacked Up Past Is No Excuse”
Are you really pining over that?!
Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. In fact, I would suggest “forgetting” is just “denial” by another name. What helped me in both forgiving and moving on from my ex-wife was writing out what she actually did. Having this list in mind is very useful. Such a list is helpful in dealing with … Continue reading “Are you really pining over that?!”
It’s not me, it’s you.
-When the blame-shifting starts… -When the pastor or counselor suggests you drove the cheater to it by doing… -When the cheater whines, “Why!” to the divorce… “It’s not me; it’s you.” Stop wasting your time on figuring out what you did to “deserve” this. You did not deserve it! Your action or inaction did … Continue reading “It’s not me, it’s you.”
Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses
14 If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. 15 I tell you the truth, the wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorrah will be better off than such a town on the judgment day. -Matthew 10:14-15, NLT A Futile Enterprise When first discovered, … Continue reading “Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses”
Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends
Even half a decade removed, I continue to consider my ex-wife’s two lives baffling. The woman I thought I married in 2006, and the woman who committed adultery against me in 2012 are not compatible in my mind. How do you go from an active, committed evangelical leader in college to a woman professing her … Continue reading “Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends”
Cheaters as Broken.
Cheaters are broken. However, this does not mean that they are any less responsible for their own behavior. They still need to do the hard work of finding good help and changing. They must be broken in some sense–i.e. not functioning as they ought. How else can you explain a human living a double life … Continue reading “Cheaters as Broken.”
Validation Before Forgiveness Talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! My personal experience as well as with those I … Continue reading “Validation Before Forgiveness Talk”
Need Seminary Classes Dealing With Divorce and Infidelity Situations
If I could write my own ticket, I would teach a seminary class on helping adultery victims and holding cheaters accountable. -Included in this class would be a primer on how divorce is not always sin as well as how divorce can be a mercy to victims of infidelity. Anger and ire ought to be … Continue reading “Need Seminary Classes Dealing With Divorce and Infidelity Situations”
Get Your Own Divorce Lawyer!
If you are expecting someone who majored in deception to play fair during a divorce, then you are dangerously naive. Please, get your own divorce lawyer! Cheaters are notorious for trying to set the narrative and play by their own rules, which seem to change with their moods. A divorce lawyer will force cheaters to … Continue reading “Get Your Own Divorce Lawyer!”