How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14b, NLT Some Christians expect faithful spouses to remain “friends” with their cheating ex-partner following divorce. This is insane! The expectation is wound up in a twisted and perverted understanding of what forgiveness demands in this situation. Guess what? … Continue reading “NOT “friends” with ex and that is fine”
Category: Emotional Affair
“That’s not a friend.”
“That’s not a friend,” says Father Terry. My divorce was fresh. Maybe I was still in the separation period. I am not sure. What I remember is talking with a colleague and mentor, Father Terry, who shared some simply but profound wisdom. After telling him about a “friend” who had essentially called me a deadbeat … Continue reading ““That’s not a friend.””
Dear 30 Year Old Self…
Dear 30 Year Old Self, It is going to be alright. Really, it is. I know that seems unlikely right now. Your world has been blown apart and the future seems bleak. Trust me: It gets better, much better! The chaplaincy internship that you are doing today will lead to a bright future for you. It … Continue reading “Dear 30 Year Old Self…”
Too full of themselves
Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. -Proverbs 26:12, NKJV Probably, the most spiritually deadly sin is arrogance. Cheaters are marked by oodles and oodles of pride and arrogance. It takes quite a bit of arrogance to cheat on your spouse and still think you … Continue reading “Too full of themselves”
Jesus was rejected, too!
O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not! -Matthew 23:37, KJV What did Jesus do that “made” Jerusalem reject him? Nothing. The point of this is to highlight … Continue reading “Jesus was rejected, too!”
Adultery is self-damaging, NOT self-care!
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. -Matthew 19:6a, NIV The cheater approaching the affair as “self-care” or something “finally, for ME!” is self-deceived. You cannot sin against the marriage without also sinning against yourself. This is what the Judeo-Christian concept of marriage teaches us. The marriage partners are ONE. An affair certainly is … Continue reading “Adultery is self-damaging, NOT self-care!”
Not less but MORE!
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7, KJV While adultery victims are not less than victims of their cheaters, they are also more. They are FAITHFUL SPOUSES! SURVIVORS. Just because we have been cheated upon does not mean … Continue reading “Not less but MORE!”
God’s gift of merciful ignorance
It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. -Ephesians 5:12, NLT Sometimes not knowing everything is a mercy from God. I am convinced this is true in my case. The conversation I will never forget is the one I had with my (now) ex-wife finally admitting to an adulterous relationship … Continue reading “God’s gift of merciful ignorance”
Being older does not mean he is humble!
Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch. -Matthew 15:14, KJV I wish I could say an older pastor will be more discerning and wiser than a younger pastor on matters of adultery and divorce. But that would be a … Continue reading “Being older does not mean he is humble!”
Did your cheater try to enlist others against you?
Did your cheater try to enlist others against you? One of the nastier aspects of dealing with a cheater is how they decimate (or attempt to decimate) your own support system. They may have even started this process of turning people against you well before you had a clue about the cheating. Some cheaters might … Continue reading “Did your cheater try to enlist others against you?”