Category: Emotional Affair

Bad enough for you to move on!

A cheater does not need to be a total monster in order to be bad for you. I suspect most cheaters (if not all) have some “redeeming” qualities about themselves. If they didn’t, we probably never would have married them in the first place. They are mix–like all of us–of good and bad traits. But … Continue reading “Bad enough for you to move on!”

Cheater-Speak: “How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!”

“How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!” -Petulant Cheater A cheater may take off her ring in order to avoid the constant reminder of her infidelity. This symbolic act speaks volumes. There is a reason we exchange rings in marriage ceremonies. The symbol is indicative of the vows exchanged between the couple before … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!””

A Reminder: Not your shame to bear!

Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away [i.e. divorce her] privily. -Matthew 1:19, KJV If you grew up in a church where divorce was taught as always wrong, you may find it hard to NOT internalize divorce shame and stigma. … Continue reading “A Reminder: Not your shame to bear!”

What if the miracle IS the merciful divorce?

Now the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning…. -Job 42:12a, NKJV What if the divorce is the mercy or “miracle” you truly need? It feels blasphemous to even raise this question. However, I think it is a legitimate question. Sometimes, the divorce is the best of bad options for a faithful spouse. In fact, … Continue reading “What if the miracle IS the merciful divorce?”

Cheater-Speak: Aren’t I allowed to have friends?!

  “Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves.” -Matthew 7:15, NLT “Aren’t I allowed to have ‘friends?!’” -Cheater I think this is one of the most dangerous tools at the disposal of cheaters. It effectively puts the faithful spouse on the defensive as he or she tries … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: Aren’t I allowed to have friends?!”

Church-y advice about “both sides”

Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, And prudent in their own sight! -Isaiah 5:21, NKJV The practice of some pastors is to treat adultery on the same level as failure to do one’s share of the household chores. They are not the same! Faithful spouses are already primed to take on more responsibility … Continue reading “Church-y advice about “both sides””

Cheater Childish Mindset: “Mine! Mine! Mine!”

“‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” -Mark 10:7-8, NIV “Mine!” A Toddler’s Mindset In Marriage One of  the oddest dynamics that I have seen over and again while dealing with … Continue reading “Cheater Childish Mindset: “Mine! Mine! Mine!””

Subtle blame of faithful spouses in churches

The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. Ezekiel 18:20a, NIV Sometimes church leaders subtly blame faithful spouses for a divorce from a cheater. I say that it is subtle because it almost … Continue reading “Subtle blame of faithful spouses in churches”

Mailbag: What to do with “friends” who are both unrepentant cheaters?

“How to respond when both spouses in a marriage have committed adultery; and remain impenitent.  Should you maintain a friendship with both, either, or neither?” –Iwoots Dear Iwoots, What does the Bible have to say about such a situation? But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims … Continue reading “Mailbag: What to do with “friends” who are both unrepentant cheaters?”