A danger for faithful spouses is focusing on the fantasy and not the reality of their situation. A spouse who cheats is the opposite of what the faithful spouse signed up for on their wedding day. Obviously, the marriage could have gone a very different way. I think it is wise to acknowledge this. Something precious was … Continue reading “Could have gone another way!”
Category: Grief
Seen, not just watched!
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. -Psalm 56:8, NLT A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of jumping on a live online event with Fr. Gregory Boyle. He is a priest whose life work is directed … Continue reading “Seen, not just watched!”
“You just weren’t right for each other,” says the Monday-Morning Quarterback.
“You just weren’t right for each other.” -Christian (giving a pass to the cheater) I find this sort of Monday morning quarterbacking annoying. It is obvious that a cheater and faithful spouse have different values based on their actions. That alone says that they are not compatible. If we knew our spouse was going to … Continue reading ““You just weren’t right for each other,” says the Monday-Morning Quarterback.”
Cheater-Speak: “How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!”
“How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!” -Petulant Cheater A cheater may take off her ring in order to avoid the constant reminder of her infidelity. This symbolic act speaks volumes. There is a reason we exchange rings in marriage ceremonies. The symbol is indicative of the vows exchanged between the couple before … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!””
On the death of dreams
And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, “For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him [Joseph].” -Genesis 37:35, KJV Giving up the dreams regarding your marriage are tough. I had … Continue reading “On the death of dreams”
Validation: “Yes, it happened. Yes, it was wrong.”
Reality validation. This is gift others can give to a faithful spouse. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the simple but hard truth. The adultery happened. And–no–we are in no way responsible for the infidelity. It was wrong. No justification for the cheater cheating exists. I think these messages are especially important for the … Continue reading “Validation: “Yes, it happened. Yes, it was wrong.””
Regarding friends–good news and bad news…
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. -Proverbs 17:17, NLT Good news and bad news about friends during times of marital distress: First, I will share the bad news: Some of the most painful betrayals will be friends and even family choosing the cheater over … Continue reading “Regarding friends–good news and bad news…”
Transported by a song
Yesterday, Mrs. and Munchkin were with me at a local restaurant. A country song came on overhead, and I was immediately transported to my first honeymoon. Poignant was the memory. Kind of sad but also happy in the sense that it was a joyous time when the memory was made. This is grief. I am … Continue reading “Transported by a song”
Beware of oversharing
Some people just cannot handle the souls of others well. The conversation where a faithful spouse spills their grief and pain results in a shaming exercise where the Christian listener warns the faithful spouse about bitterness and God’s hatred of divorce. I know I fell into the “oversharing trap” early in my marriage’s dissolution. Too … Continue reading “Beware of oversharing”
Word of Caution: You’re vulnerable!
Beware that the ending of your marriage leaves you vulnerable! I am not suggesting living in fear. However, I recommend a sober-eyed assessment about how your needs leave you open to unhealthy relationships. In separation and early divorce, you are grieving and learning how to deal with loneliness and loss of intimacy with the opposite … Continue reading “Word of Caution: You’re vulnerable!”