Dear Divorce Minister, I was married to a minister for 21 years. I knew after a year of marriage that my marriage was over as he was cheating on me with a high school student. When I confronted him, the narcissistic abuse began and continued until he asked for a divorce after he got caught … Continue reading “DM, Why do they still support the cheater?”
Category: Grief
Ambiguous Loss Article
Today, I came across an article (click here) that labels divorce as an “ambiguous loss.” When I saw the article, I thought of how having a name for it might help some who read here. To be clear, I do not agree with the advice the author gives to the person who made the advice … Continue reading “Ambiguous Loss Article”
Death of dreams
And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, “For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him [Joseph].” -Genesis 37:35, KJV Giving up the dreams regarding your marriage are tough. I had … Continue reading “Death of dreams”
Stop blaming yourself, faithful spouse!
“For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery….” -Mark 7:21-22a, NLT When infidelity and abandonment via divorce occur, the faithful spouse may struggle with blaming themselves. I know I did. It is part of the grief process. We are trying to control the uncontrollable. That means we take … Continue reading “Stop blaming yourself, faithful spouse!”
Good news and bad news re: friends
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. -Proverbs 17:17, NLT Good news and bad news about friends during times of marital distress: First, I will share the bad news: Some of the most painful betrayals will be friends and even family choosing the cheater over you. … Continue reading “Good news and bad news re: friends”
Meaninglessness of wicked prospering
There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: the righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. -Ecclesiastes 8:14, NIV Life is not fair. This has been know for centuries as this verse from the writer of Ecclesiastes attests. Energy … Continue reading “Meaninglessness of wicked prospering”
It happened. It was wrong.
Reality validation. This is gift others can give to a faithful spouse. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the simple but hard truth. The adultery happened. And–no–we are in no way responsible for the infidelity. It was wrong. No justification for the cheater cheating exists. I think these messages are especially important for the … Continue reading “It happened. It was wrong.”
Vulnerable, vulnerable, vulnerable!
Beware that the ending of your marriage leaves you vulnerable! I am not suggesting living in fear. However, I recommend a sober-eyed assessment about how your needs leave you open to unhealthy relationships. In separation and early divorce, you are grieving and learning how to deal with loneliness and loss of intimacy with the opposite … Continue reading “Vulnerable, vulnerable, vulnerable!”
Probably will always touch my heart….
It happened again today. I was watching a reality TV show, and the owner of a restaurant shared his story of divorce from the mother of his children who cheated on him with a younger man, a teenager! He discovered his then wife’s infidelity when she became pregnant even though he had had a vasectomy. … Continue reading “Probably will always touch my heart….”
Gratitude through Grief
“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4, KJV Gifts from grief came along with all the hard, traumatic losses of my first marriage. For starters, I appreciate what was restored to me more. I do not take my position as a husband and father today for granted. This was driven … Continue reading “Gratitude through Grief”