Dear DM, I need your advice. My wife has committed adultery several times in our marriage and I reconciled over and over again. Two of my ex wife’s lovers were my sons friend fathers and two more were my sons wrestling coach’s. After he discovered his second wrestling coach, he cut off contact with his … Continue reading “Dear DM, I need your advice.”
Category: Reconciliation
Feeding Into False Hope for Marriage Restoration
Sharing only testimonies of reconciled and restored marriages following adultery… feeds false hope in “reconciliation” for faithful spouses dealing with unrepentant cheaters. Show of hands. How many here thought their marriage was going to “make it” and then you would have a testimony about marriage reconciliation to share with others? I know I did. The … Continue reading “Feeding Into False Hope for Marriage Restoration”
Contempt signals, “It’s over!”
When a wicked man comes, contempt also comes,And with dishonor comes scorn. -Proverbs 18:3, NASB When a cheater shows contempt for you, it is time to leave the relationship. I am talking more than simply the act of cheating–which is truly an act of contempt. Rather, I am talking about interactions with the cheater where they express … Continue reading “Contempt signals, “It’s over!””
Cheater not filing, NOT enough!
“A wicked and adulterous generation looks for a sign, but none will be given it except the sign of Jonah.” Jesus then left them and went away. -Matthew 16:4, NIV Some Christian leaders will encourage faithful spouses to stay in marriages if their cheater chooses not to file for divorce. I am NOT one of those! … Continue reading “Cheater not filing, NOT enough!”
Cheaters and liars in dangerous waters
Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. -I Timothy 4:2, NIV What happens when we walk into a body of cold water? It usually feels really cold initially. However, as we wait and stay in the water, our legs become numb to the temperatures. It … Continue reading “Cheaters and liars in dangerous waters”
Please, don’t bother!
If your cheater refuses to stop cheating AND demonstrate to YOUR satisfaction that the affairs are done for good… …then please do NOT bother trying to reconcile! This is not a workable situation. You do not deserve to remain in an abusive situation as that is what a marriage to an active cheater is. Both … Continue reading “Please, don’t bother!”
Justice and forgiveness
Trusting God with our hurts is hard. Forgiveness is about doing just that, though. It is allowing God be God in our situation. But forgiving our cheater is nearly impossible if we believe we care more about justice than God. Justice matters to God. He did not just give sin a pass. It isn’t … Continue reading “Justice and forgiveness”
Forgiveness does not erase natural consequences!
13 Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.” -2 Samuel 12:13-14, NIV God forgave David for murder and adultery. It says so here. However, God … Continue reading “Forgiveness does not erase natural consequences!”
Discerning change? Look for guilt, not shame, response in cheater.
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A … Continue reading “Discerning change? Look for guilt, not shame, response in cheater.”
Cheaters “under the influence”
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit…. Ephesians 5:18, NIV What if your cheater was drunk or “under the influence” of another drug when she cheated? I actually have more hope for those marriages than the ones where a substance was not involved. My reasoning is the … Continue reading “Cheaters “under the influence””