“‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” -Mark 10:7-8, NIV “Mine!” A Toddler’s Mindset In Marriage One of the oddest dynamics that I have seen over and again while dealing with … Continue reading “Mine! Mine! Mine! Cheater Toddler Mindset.”
Category: Sin
Stop blaming yourself, faithful spouse!
“For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery….” -Mark 7:21-22a, NLT When infidelity and abandonment via divorce occur, the faithful spouse may struggle with blaming themselves. I know I did. It is part of the grief process. We are trying to control the uncontrollable. That means we take … Continue reading “Stop blaming yourself, faithful spouse!”
Subtle blame in churches
The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. Ezekiel 18:20a, NIV Sometimes church leaders subtly blame faithful spouses for a divorce from a cheater. I say that it is subtle because it almost … Continue reading “Subtle blame in churches”
Cheater-Speak: “It is not the cheating. The real problem is how you….”
“It is not the cheating. The real issue is how you … (let yourself go, never talk with me, don’t bring in enough money, etc.)” -Cheater Cheaters want to talk about anything except their lies and infidelity. That would mean taking responsibility for their sins. It would be honest. And we know cheaters struggle with … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “It is not the cheating. The real problem is how you….””
Shaking off the dust as “forgiveness”
“But if any place refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.” -Mark 6:11, NLT At some point, we need to let go of the need for an apology and reparations for the wrongs we … Continue reading “Shaking off the dust as “forgiveness””
Celebratory Couple Divorcing?!
I don’t get it. You know. The couples that pose for a happy picture following their divorce with the decree in their hands. It is weird. What is even weirder is how society celebrates these (former) couples’ display of celebration. Odd. Divorce from a cheater is a mercy. It is a way to escape the … Continue reading “Celebratory Couple Divorcing?!”
Good news and bad news re: friends
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. -Proverbs 17:17, NLT Good news and bad news about friends during times of marital distress: First, I will share the bad news: Some of the most painful betrayals will be friends and even family choosing the cheater over you. … Continue reading “Good news and bad news re: friends”
It happened. It was wrong.
Reality validation. This is gift others can give to a faithful spouse. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the simple but hard truth. The adultery happened. And–no–we are in no way responsible for the infidelity. It was wrong. No justification for the cheater cheating exists. I think these messages are especially important for the … Continue reading “It happened. It was wrong.”
Not “a mistake”
Cheating on a spouse is not just “a mistake.” We all make mistakes. True. No one is perfect. However, plenty of people never commit adultery. Many people are not involved in raping their spouse’s soul. Plenty of individuals do not live double lives or engage in concerted gas-lighting behavior to keep their spouse from believing the … Continue reading “Not “a mistake””
Discerning change? Look for guilt, not shame, response in cheater.
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A … Continue reading “Discerning change? Look for guilt, not shame, response in cheater.”