“Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts.” -Daniel Patrick Moynihan, American Politician Cheaters often forget that faithful spouses do not owe them agreement with their marriage ending narrative. This reality does not stop cheaters from expecting and demanding such agreement, though. Cheaters are perfectly fine pressuring a faithful partner (or ex) … Continue reading ““Sorry, I don’t have to agree with you.””
Category: Sin
“But you made it easy for her to cheat on you.”
“Sure, she had an affair. But you made it easy for her to cheat on you.” -A Stupid Thing Christians Say I have heard or read a version of this statement more than once. It seems like a common mindset some have–even pastors–towards faithful spouses. And this is a subtle blame-shift. For the ethics flunkies … Continue reading ““But you made it easy for her to cheat on you.””
Happy-Maker NOT!
***Marriage is not a happy-making contract!*** The seemingly accepted “wisdom” on dealing with infidelity–especially emotional affairs–is to look to the marriage relationship for what was “missing.” In other words, why was the cheater unhappy? Besides being predicated on a sociologically proven false premise–i.e. cheaters only cheat when they are unhappy in their marriages (see Dr. … Continue reading “Happy-Maker NOT!”
Flaky Forgiveness Trivializes Trauma!
They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace. Jeremiah 6:14, NIV Unconditional forgiveness pushers are like the people mentioned here in Jeremiah 6:14 treating gaping wounds with boo-boo kisses. Either they do not know the first thing about dealing with the … Continue reading “Flaky Forgiveness Trivializes Trauma!”
Is God’s Forgiveness Unconditional?
Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, “Men and brethren, what shall we do?” Then Peter said unto them, “Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye … Continue reading “Is God’s Forgiveness Unconditional?”
Cheater-speak: “I believe it was always a lie.”
“I’ve come to realization that our marriage has always been a lie.” – Cheater This sort of statement serves the cheater on multiple fronts: First, it allows him or her to cast themselves as the noble person who is choosing “authenticity” by ending the marriage. They are the “hero” bravely fighting off “inauthenticity” by exiting … Continue reading “Cheater-speak: “I believe it was always a lie.””
Forgiveness Does Not Change Facts!
It still feels strange for me to even speak about how my first marriage ended. I feel internal pressure and accusation as if speaking the facts means I have not forgiven her or am bitter. That’s a lie, by the way. But it is a hard one to shake growing up amidst a Christian … Continue reading “Forgiveness Does Not Change Facts!”
When it is not up to you…
“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.” -Matthew 23:37, NIV An injustice faithful spouses experience when divorce is on the table is being blamed for … Continue reading “When it is not up to you…”
God loves adultery victims, too!
“Jesus is “‘the stone you builders rejected, which has become the cornerstone.’” -Acts 4:11, NIV God loves thieves. True. God loves rapists. True. God loves adulterers and adulteresses. True. But does God love their victims? Does God love the robbed? Does God love the raped? Does God love adultery victims? I know God does. He identifies as one … Continue reading “God loves adultery victims, too!”
Cheater Marriage History Brain-Blender
Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow. -Proverbs 25:18, NLT One of the many things that baffles me about the accepted Christian “wisdom” on healing marriages ravaged by adultery is how often pastors and counselors seem to … Continue reading “Cheater Marriage History Brain-Blender”