For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
-2 Corinthians 5:10, KJV
Stop.
Stop beating yourself up over your cheater’s sins.
I know it is tempting to keep analyzing yourself and trying to figure out if you could have stopped the cheater from torpedoing your marriage. Just don’t.
The fact is cheating is never excusable.
God does not provide an escape or excuse clause in the Ten Commandments when God prohibits adultery (see Exodus 20:14). It is simply wrong. No one is allowed a free pass to commit adultery. No one.
The cheater could have chosen differently.
Whatever your marriage situation, she or he did not have to cheat. They chose to sin in this way. That is something they will have to answer to God about.
The adulterous destruction of your marriage is not about you. It is about them. It is their sinful choices that did it. So, I exhort you to stop beating yourself up over their sinful ways.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
Yep, my ex commited sexual, verbal, emotional and financial abuse against me; though I am not perfect I never commited any of those sins against him. I had his back until the very end, and in fact had his back for a while after that, to my own detriment I kept the abuse I suffered to myself, partly out of protecting my son and also out of humiliation.
My point is, that through all the heavy abuse in the last few months, I never once even considered adultery/betrayal as the answer. And trust me he knew that and used it against me.