O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!

-Matthew 23:37, KJV

Healing Requires Reality Acceptance

We have to put down our “should’s” in order to face what “is.” So much of our healing begins when we face reality. That is why a tough love friend who speaks the truth about our Cheater is invaluable.

It is true that we shouldn’t have to second guess our spouse. However, it is foolish to trust a proven liar, which Cheaters are. You cannot take them at their word anymore. At least, a wise person would not.

It is true that we shouldn’t have to worry about our spouse being unfaithful. Yet that does not change the reality when they are. 

It is true that we shouldn’t have to do a slate of STI tests. However, it would be foolish not to do so once discovering our spouse was unfaithful with unknown partner(s). 

Healing begins when we embrace what reality is as opposed to denying reality with our “should’s.”

It is painful as surgery to the soul can be; however, it is necessary. It is like a cold water plunge waking our senses to reality and the world around us.

We are ill to the degree that our life does not align with reality and truth.

And we’re vulnerable to further abuse as long as we keep on fighting to hold to a fantasy that only serves our cheating abuser. So, the problem grows worse the longer we keep fighting reality. It makes it impossible to truly heal.

Healing requires reality acceptance. It is from a place of seeing how things are that steps can be taken to heal or address that reality–however difficult it may be.