20 All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21 But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.
-John 3:20-21, NLT
In my experience, Cheaters sometimes tell on themselves in little moments of lucidity. They are brief but often more revealing than one might have thought at the time in retrospect.
They might admit to guilty feelings over hiding the illicit relationships. Some might even admit that they deserve to be divorced from you for what they did.
Sadly, these moments of lucidity–like a flash of lightning–are fleeting.
Try to press them to say more, and they suddenly go back into their avoidant, lying behavior. These Cheaters are still unwilling to give up the power of knowing what they did to you and your marriage. They will not face the shame that is theirs to own.
So, all we might get is a brief, flash of honesty:
“I’ve done things that would give you biblical grounds to divorce me.”
“I know I shouldn’t have hid my conversations with her from you.”
“We’d both agree I went over the line sexually with people I met at the bar.”
Those moments ought to be enough for us to understand our values do not match. This person does not value fidelity or is incapable of it. They are willing to harm the person closest to themselves for their own gain and pleasure.
