“Rebuke your mother, rebuke her,
    for she is not my wife,
    and I am not her husband.
Let her remove the adulterous look from her face
    and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.”

-Hosea 2:2, NIV

Cheaters may admit to cheating only to get “permission” to bash and blame their partner.

They are counting on the counselor, pastor, or “friend” to ask them about what “drove them” to cheating. That is their opening to attack the victim of their infidelity abuse. It is too enticing an opening for them to forgo.

Pastors, it is critical not to take the bait and give such “permission” to bash to the cheating spouse.

The key is to keep focused on the sin and choices to sin. This is NOT a symptom of shared marital problems. It is sign of character deficits in the Cheater.

Why should you care more about the marriage than the Cheater?

Believe their behavior. The cheater has contempt for their spouse and the marriage. THAT is the problem!

Do not give them permission or room to continue demonstrating that contempt and further harming their partner by bashing them.

This is NOT about the faithful spouse!

Don’t let the Cheater change subjects from owning their sins and further engage in the contempt towards the faithful spouse that led them to this place.