Relief.
The months of stone-cold or downright cruel responses.
Warmth disappearing overnight like a Minnesotan May blizzard.
It all started to make sense.
I wasn’t imagining things.
The Other Man.
He existed.
Had existed for months!
This is one of the strangest and most surreal parts of discovering infidelity. The moment of confirmation is not only a painful one. It is also a moment of validation.
I felt relief.
Pieces of the puzzle in my head started to make sense after months of madness. A crucial, missing piece of information was finally mine.
And I know I am not alone in such an experience.
It is not a mercy to a faithful spouse to be left in the dark about the infidelity. This just adds to the suffering already present.
Being kept in the dark makes things all that more tortured and confusing for someone who already feels his or her soul being bludgeoned yet does not know exactly from where the blows are coming.
Knowledge is power. Cheaters like having that power over the faithful spouse. The kind thing is to level the playing field. Tell the faithful spouse. They deserve to know the truth.
Yes, it will likely hurt. But it will also likely provide some relief and give them vital information to make sound, future decisions.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
I am convinced that most cheaters don’t have any intention of leaving the marriage until they get tangled in their web of lies and deceit.
Then they start the spinning and rewriting. My ex when he got caught, had the audacity to say that he is just not a very good liar. Then the a** turned around in the next sentence and said that he had been “dating” for ten years and he had never loved me.
So he had been lying and cheating our entire 20 year marriage.
The con artist had been lying and scamming me for years. I verified 3 years by my own financial forensics. I didn’t see any reason to go back any further. There was no real money to be recouped.
I don’t think they ever hear themselves, or even give it much thought.