“I felt like I had to lie because you would get angry if you knew,” says Cheater.

What the Cheater is really saying is that they feared not having complete control over you once you were no longer in the dark about the truth. Knowledge is power as the saying goes. They did not feel like giving that power to you.

Plus, such Cheaters are shifting the focus off of their sinful behavior onto their victim who hasn’t done anything!!! 

The focus becomes what the faithful spouse MIGHT do as opposed to what the Cheater DID! The playing field is stacked against the faithful spouse who has to fight against a world in the Cheater’s head as opposed the real world where their partner has cheated.

Also, a loving spouse OUGHT TO BE ANGRY when learning their partner cheated on them!

That is a healthy, emotional response to the very legitimate boundary of marital fidelity being violated. Now, the faithful spouse should not sin in their anger. However, anger ought to be present in such a disclosure.

Would we accept a thief’s excuse like this?

“I didn’t tell you that I embezzled all your savings that you entrusted to me as your financial advisor because I knew you’d be angry if you knew.”

Of course, not!

The violation of trust is much deeper than if a financial advisor stole from you. And what is stolen is far more precious than money–i.e. sanity, health, relationships, and one’s sense of reality.

And like the embezzling financial advisor, the Cheater making such statements is making a calculated decision to continue lying and hiding their sin. It’s not a mistake.

They decided it was better for them to lie to you than you to know about the ongoing harm that they are doing to them!

Now, that selfishness IS angering!

It best to ditch such abusers via divorce (see Mt. 19:9) as they have demonstrated they will harm you to keep themselves comfortable. You cannot work with that.