Give Up Trying To Get Agreement



A sage trying to work things out with a fool
    gets only scorn and sarcasm for his trouble.

Proverbs 29:9, The Message

When I was processing the end of my marriage and even while I was still fighting for it not to end in divorce, I wasted a lot of energy contending over the marriage narrative with my (now) ex-wife. I wanted her to agree with me.

In some ways, I wanted her to validate my feelings and help me to heal from her adulterous sin. I wanted empathy. She was not going to give that to me. Her plan was to blame me, and she would not even allow the facts to stand in her way of controlling the narrative as far as she could (even well past the ending of our marriage).

So, I speak from painful personal experience:

To save yourself a lot of misery, I would encourage you to give up on getting a cheating spouse to agree with your narrative.

This is a power struggle with a fool.*

Do not be surprised if all you find is misery when you engage in it. That is what Proverbs 29:9 reminds us is in store for those who contend with such a person.


Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. – Matthew 7:6, KJV

*Some might object that calling an adulterous spouse a fool is too harsh. Well, I say you will know them by their actions.

In other words, I say this is a power struggle with a fool for good reason. Only a fool defies God’s clear commands against adultery thinking he or she is wiser or will get away with it. A wise person turns and repents from such folly. A fool continues on making excuses. She or he has no fear of God (see Psalm 14:1). They think foolishly they can get away with mocking God when they cannot.

Scripture is clear: Adulterous spouses will one day reap what they have sown in the flesh (see Galatians 6:7-8 and 2 Corinthian 5:10).

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