“I care about you…”

The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
    but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

-Proverbs 12:18, NIV


I care about you but not enough…

…to end my friendship with the adulterous spouse until she repents.

My thoughts:

“Sorry, your concern for me sounds skin deep. Scripture is clear that a person who truly cared for me–and even for my adulterous spouse–would not continue in friendship with her while such serious sin remains unaddressed (see 1 Cor. 5 & 6).”

…to confront her over her adultery and insist she comes clean making amends to you.

My thoughts:

“Sorry, I think your concern for me is not true concern. If I told you my (now ex) wife had attacked me with a knife and was continuing with such attacks, I would expect a truly concerned friend to engage in getting her to stop wielding the knife. Adultery is worse than a knife attack.”

…to listen to your anger and pain allowing you to grieve without playing the bitter/unforgiveness card.

My thoughts:


“Sorry, you can keep that sort of concern. I know such ‘care’ means ‘pity.’ That is not what I need at this time. I do not need someone to look down on me judging my pain and the way I am grieving. What I need is someone to really care and sit with me in the ashes of my marriage and pain. If you cannot do that, fine. Just be honest and keep your pity/condemnation of me to yourself.”

…to feel vulnerable along with me without blaming me for being violated by my adulterous spouse.

My thoughts:


“Sorry, someone who really cared for me would be able to handle their own discomfort on this number without offloading it onto me. We are all vulnerable to infidelity in our marriages. Each of us can only control our own choices and not those of our spouses. That leaves us vulnerable. To blame me–even in part–for my spouse’s adultery is to deny this fact. It is to selfishly choose your own comfort over living in reality and actually caring for me.” 

…to encourage me to get tested for STDs after I shared about my wife’s infidelity.

My thoughts:


“Sorry, someone who really cared about me would be concerned that I might have picked up STDs from my adulterous spouse. It is a pretty low-level of concern to be concerned about whether I live or die. Your level of concern for me apparently is below that threshold, sadly.”


2 thoughts on ““I care about you…””

  1. Thank you for this DM. I have been struggling with friends who are trying to be neutral and I just couldn’t trust them any more. I have mainly dropped them but felt quite guilty about it as they are my friends. However, I do not know what is discussed when he goes out with them. I just felt it condoned his behaviour and lies. I also felt the undercurrent of well the two sides to every story, there was clearly no passion left… Kind of comment. I have been married for 30 years.
    This was a timely posting and I thank you for it
    Bless you

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