“I felt like a used tissue paper.”

“I felt like a used piece of tissue paper. Just thrown away in the trash.” – Vineyard pastor.


The quote might not be exact.

However, I will never forget the idea.

This brave pastoral spouse shared to a young Vineyard Church about her experience of being sexually assaulted. She vividly described how she felt the next morning–i.e. used and discarded like a piece of disgusting trash full of boogers.

Her description resonated with me as a faithful and abandoned spouse.


And discarded with disgust.

It is hard to feel otherwise after trusting someone for years only to be rejected while she engaged in sex with a different partner.

The reality is the adulterous, abandoning spouse threw away gold. They are the fools, not the faithful spouses. It might seem to the world or even to the faithful spouse at the time that the faithful spouse is worthless but that is trading in worldly wisdom, not godly wisdom (I Cor 3:19).

That said, I do not want to minimize the feelings.

They are real.

And painful.

It is okay if you, too, resonate with this quote.

But remember, you were purchased with God’s own blood (I Peter 1:18-19). You are incredibly valuable.

However foolish your adulterous (ex) spouse treated you, God gets the final word on your worth.

Never forget that.



10 thoughts on ““I felt like a used tissue paper.””

  1. “The reality is the adulterous, abandoning spouse threw away gold.” Thank you. That is food for my soul….this whole post is. Many thanks.

  2. What I found so perplexing is how angry my spouse was at me – I was blindsided and devastated – I was used tissue paper – and he was blaming and furious at me…as if I made him do it. His lack of taking responsibility for his actions coupled with jumping ship to the OW in desperation revealed to me his self-centered and cowardly nature. I have lost respect for him which is painful for me.

  3. kyoko- My stbx is the same way. I think in my case he’s so angry because I won’t just fade away and hide his secret. I have told everyone who will listen what he has done. Early on when I asked if we could be friends he turned kind and sweet again but I quickly changed my mind and told him I could not be friends with an emotional abuser, then he was right back to the cruel angry monster. I guess it helps them avoid guilt too if they can blame you. That is completely sociopathic.

  4. DM, our spouses did make us feel worthless, but luckily most of us are mature and wise enough to know this isn’t the reality. It’s part of the “discard” phase for them. I take heart in the story of Cain and Abel, when God tells the murdering brother who tried to hide the crime that his blood cries out to me! There will be justice and I may not live to see it, but I am perfectly happy imagining my ex trying to convince God that he was somehow “entitled” to behave in such a barbaric way! I really believe it’s going to shock the ex when God doesn’t buy into the old gaslight game! It gives me peace knowing that God has a very good memory!

    1. “when God doesn’t buy into the old gaslight game” I love that. God is truth so I can’t wait to ask Him what the full truth is about my husband. Is it sacrilegious to imagine God rolling his eyes when I ask?

      1. BrokenHearted Believer, by the time that day comes I am sure I won’t care about the “why” or the lame excuses. I know right now that there is no good excuse for the horrific mess my ex made. And I believe that even if we could ask God why, he would tell us to let it go. God gave his only Son so that we might enjoy our lives and be happy. If we make it to heaven to touch the face of God I believe it won’t matter. Just like people who suffer awful physical pain in life and then pass on, I believe God takes that pain away.

        1. That’s a good point. He will definitely take the pain away. But my earthly brain still wonders. I look forward to when I don’t care anymore.

          1. There will come a day I am sure when our nagging thoughts will take a back seat to more pleasant things in our lives. Trust me, our cheaters aren’t sitting around worrying about us! They are out doing whatever they please and if we do intrude on their thoughts it is a momentary uncomfortable “buzz kill” that they bury like a rotting corpse! Try to feel the same about them.

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