It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret.
-Ephesians 5:12, NLT
Sometimes not knowing everything is a mercy from God.
I am convinced this is true in my case.
The conversation I will never forget is the one I had with my (now) ex-wife finally admitting to an adulterous relationship with the Other Man (OM) after months of denial.
As I remember it, she mentioned doing sexual things with other men from bars in that conversation. I had to specifically ask about OM to be sure he was included in that group 0f extramarital sexual partners. He was.
God has spared me much suffering by keeping hidden the rest of the details that come with that nasty revelation. I am convinced.
As I see it today–my opinion informed by what I remember of that conversation and other memories–I merely saw the tip of the cheating iceberg. Then God mercifully set me free from that destructive marriage with the knowledge the problems created by my (now) ex-wife were deep and many even if I did not know them all.
Do I sometimes wonder about those details? Of course.
But I am at peace knowing that I know enough to know the shame of my first marriage’s end is not a burden I deserve to bear.
God revealed enough for me to have peace moving forward.
And God hid the rest to protect my heart from needless additional pain. I thank God for that gift today!
This post meant a great deal to me. I’m the type, especially when so much was hidden from me, that wants to know everything, expose everything…as some sort of road toward healing…or justice…or something. But I know more than enough already. God is telling me in many ways to give that desire to know, and that wondering, pondering, to him. You are right…it is a gift of mercy from God, and I need to take that gift. Thank you for the confirmation!
Pastor, everytime I get glimse of the horror you suffered from your ex I am amazed at how gracious you are about it now. I know the peace in feel in your heart now must come from Him. I empathize with your painful experience just a little – my ex-fiancé did me dirt – and I praise God that he revealed that to me and didn’t allow me to follow through on my intention to marry her. I shudder to think how it might have ended otherwise, as in your case.
Thanks, Beau. Honestly, I think I got off easy compared to some stories I’ve heard. Glad you escaped from a bad relationship with your ex-fiance!
Dear DM,
My discovery of my spouse’s affair and other sinful, destructive, and hurtful behaviors was so devastating. In my pain and confusion, a surge of anger and a desire to DO something propelled me to search for answers. That search included scouring the computer, picking apart social media, scrutinizing cell phone records, searching the house, and shadowing him via the Find my iPhone app. Though I found some truth, I also made myself even more soul-sick through these actions. It finally took a hard jolt and many months to realize that I knew enough — more than enough — and that I needed to let God deal with the rest while I put myself back together.