In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
-I Peter 3:6, NLT
Do you notice what is missing in this exhortation to husbands?
Nowhere in this verse–or the corresponding ones for wives–do I see Peter tell us divorce is on the table for failing to follow his instructions. These are important exhortations to follow, BUT Peter is not treating these as marriage ending issues.
This is news for the evangelical subculture in my experience.
I want to throw up thinking about male pastors talking about their wives potentially divorcing them if they lacked the consideration Peter tells them to exhibit in this verse. That sort of considerations are irrelevant as it comes to talking biblical divorce.
We who divorced a spouse over adultery were not simply dealing with inconsiderate spouse issues. We were dealing with marriage ending sin–namely, adultery (see Deuteronomy 22:22, Matthew 19:9, etc.)!
Honestly, pastors who talk this way are like someone telling an amputee about the time they had to have a doctor remove their ingrown toenail. Both involve pain and removal of something, but that is where the similarity ends. They are NOT the same thing!
Inconsiderate behavior–while sin–is not marriage ending sin per this verse in I Peter. That is NOT the consequence Peter warns us about in this verse.
This is important because it shapes how faithful spouses are treated. Someone who fails to see this basic fact from I Peter will be ill-equipped to help faithful spouses.
Christians who think this way are going to minimize the trauma adultery survivors experience. They will categorize the “amputation” as the same as the “hangnail” removal.
So, it is no surprise the care we get from such Christians is seriously lacking. They assume I Peter 3:6 says something it does not.
I think I know what you mean. When I told one friend that I was separating from my husband because of his serial infidelity, she told me about her problems with her husband (they both spent too much money, they argued about various things, etc.), as if it were the same thing. Later, she casually asked me if my husband and I “had worked it out,” as if it were something that’s negotiable, “OK, honey, I’ll burn the dinner less if you have fewer girlfriends.” I really don’t know what she meant by that comment, but to me it didn’t seem appropriate – I guess like asking an amputee if their leg had grown back yet.
I do think that emotional abuse can be a valid reason for divorce. That would be a flagrant and continued violation of 1 Peter 3:6.
Correct. The thrust of this post is precisely what you described as happening with this person ascribing usual marital issues as the same as infidelity.
As to emotional abuse, I would not use this text as a proof text for grounds for divorce. That is not what it is talking about here. An argument CAN be made from I Corinthians 7 for divorce over emotional abuse, IMO.
Wow Michelle, you worded my sentiments exactly! I wish you lived nearby and we could have coffee! And divorce minister? fantastic article.
Again, while these off target attitudes are so damaging to those of us who have lived through them, the biggest concern is how this has damaged, and is still damaging, the very body of Christ! While we have at least amputated the deadly infectious limb, the Church has picked up the limb, cuddled it, coddled it, and insisted on sticking it back on us or anybody…and they call it healthy. Big sickness going on in the Church…..and we believers opened the door to it.