“Why Not Be Wronged?” Wrongful Mindset


The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?

-I Corinthians 6:7, NIV

Any application of this Scripture as a way to hide and absolve a cheater is a gross misapplication of this text. In just two verses (verse 9), Paul warns that adulterers explicitly would not inherit God’s Kingdom. Obviously, this teaching from Paul properly understood is not talking about being soft on sin.

And certainly, it is not an exhortation to take adultery lightly.

This verse might be used by some to manipulate faithful spouses into feeling too guilty to enlist a divorce lawyer and thereby going instead through “Christian” mediation.

For the record: I do not generally recommend going that route–especially if your soon-to-be-ex has hidden a double life for months, years, or decades!

The secular law is imperfect and sometimes unjust. However, it does force a cheater to play by rules not of their own choosing and setting. They cannot simply make it up as they go along like they are used to doing in the marriage up to that point.

To those who claim that a Christian ought never to engage a lawyer, I want to point out that God ordained government to deal precisely with matters like these–i.e. injustices (e.g. Romans 13:4). They are to protect the vulnerable and oppressed. Faithful spouses are vulnerable victims having already experienced severe injustice at the hands of the treacherously adulterous spouse.

Furthermore, in order to get a divorce, we need to engage the legal system in our country. Going through mediation with someone who has demonstrated a penchant to deceive and manipulate–as every cheater has–is to enter a situation with true naivete.

What makes one think the cheater’s character will suddenly change into an honest broker after months or years of deception breaking the most sacred of human vows?

As a refresher: A true friend does not soul rape and gaslight another.

Such are attacks upon a faithful spouse and a wise faithful spouse will recognize them as such taking appropriate action–like getting a divorce lawyer–to protect themselves.

Engaging a divorce lawyer is a reality check: It is a reminder that a cheater is no longer a friend but someone working against one’s well-being.

And God supports people accepting and living in reality.

It is called walking in truth.

3 thoughts on ““Why Not Be Wronged?” Wrongful Mindset”

  1. “The secular law is imperfect and sometimes unjust.”

    [1 Cor. 6:1 NASB] 1 Does any one of you, when he has a case against his neighbor, dare to go to law before the unrighteous and not before the saints?

    [1 Cor. 6:5-6 NASB] 5 I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not among you one wise man who will be able to decide between his brethren, 6 but brother goes to law with brother, and that before unbelievers?

    Paul clearly states we should “go to law” before the saints, rather than the “unrighteous”. He also believes there should be at least one wise man able to decide correctly.

    1. He counseled the church to expel the immoral brother just one chapter prior (I Cor. 5). That contextual piece suggests these lawsuits weren’t about sexual sin. As far as going to the secular courts, I do not see Paul teaching us to NOT report crimes. Adultery–while not a crime–is still often cited as grounds for divorce with cause in many states. The state regulates whether or not a marriage is valid. Hence, we have to go to the state in order to resolve such issues.

    2. I would have gladly done this: Gone to the elders, let them help us divide our assets. My ex and I were raised in the Grace Brethren Church; I went to a Mennonite College; he went to Liberty; we both joined the Church of the Brethren eight years ago. I say all that to let you know that I am very, very familiar with these verses and our peaceful witness. However, my church was not equipped to deal with this and I couldn’t even get anyone at my church to confront him. Sometimes we are too peaceful to our own detriment. Also my ex would have refused this route as he now claims to be an atheist. In addition to all this, he had worked for the largest law firm in our area for over 14 years. My first attorney dropped me as a client. My second attorney belongs to the Church of the Brethren. She has helped me, but only so much. I have had to do most of the negotiating on my own. Now my ex is taking me to court to reduce or eliminate spousal support after only 1 1/2 years. We are called to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. The Corinthians were taking every little thing to the courts. There are times to turn the other cheek and times when we must go before the secular courts. Even unrighteous judges will do justice (Luke 18). (There are Christians who work in the court system and we can’t abandon every secular entity. We are called to be salt and light; God calls us all to minister in many different areas. Secular government is ordained by God, and He alone raises up “kings” and destroys kingdoms.) Divorce with an adulterer is not a petty squabble. There are children to protect, etc. It is unfortunate that we have to go through this, but sometimes we must. I am trying to entrust myself to the Most Just Judge of All. He knows what is going on. He wants me to trust him. He knows I hate going to court and so far He has protected me in that regard. He knows that I didn’t want to be divorced. Jesus Himself even warned us that we would be brought before the councils for His sake (Matthew 10). I do not like this stress at all, but this is what He has put before me to do.

      I say all this to encourage others going through this and also to remind myself. We have to entrust ourselves to God. He alone is our Master. He will work this to His Glory. And in the end that is all that matters: His Glory. I have recently been reading John MacArthur’s sermons on John 17(GTY.org). We have an advocate with the Father. Jesus makes intercession for us. We will get through this and God will receive Glory!

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