Adultery victims exist. True story.

Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent—
both are detestable to the Lord.

-Proverbs 17:15, NLT


Adultery and abandonment victims exist.

In fact, they exist in churches just as they exist in the general populace. This truth might be a shocker to some pastors. But it is a true story.

Some of us are not “playing” the victim.

We are the victims!

Victims of our former or current spouse’s lies, gas-lighting, and adulterous behavior. The list of sins committed against us could continue. However, the important part to grasp is that adultery victims exist.

I suspect much of the bad pastoral care provided to faithful spouses might never happen if pastors actually believed this simple truth. It is bedrock truth to proper pastoral care in these situations.

How can a pastor properly address the situation if you believe no one is a victim or everyone is a victim in an adulterous situation?

One cannot.

When you treat victims and perpetrators of adultery the same, you pervert justice, and God considers such behavior downright detestable.

(see Proverbs 17:15)

I grow tired of the hand-wringing done by evangelicals over labels like “victim” or “innocent” partner. It is frustrating to watch as Christians use “being stuck in victimhood mentality” as a reason to deny reality and justice for real victims.

This behavior is absolutely detestable to God!

It must stop.

As long as the reality that adultery victims exist is denied, no chance really exists for those victims to receive competent, compassionate pastoral care and justice. It just cannot happen if one starts from a place of a distorted moral reality.

The faulty assumption that such victims and perpetrators of adultery do not exist ensures everything else following from that assumption will be destructively problematic. Best and godly care does not flow from lies. It is grounded in reality and truth.

Adultery victims exist


so do their victimizers–aka adulterers and adulteresses!

12 thoughts on “Adultery victims exist. True story.”

  1. Yes, yes, yes DM! We are victims of an evil that was perpetrated in secrecy and deception on our trusting souls. But once we are made aware of the “evil” I would like to view it this way, we were “victimized”! In my mind I can deal with the fact that I was mistreated for being a trusting person who was duped by evil and the adulterer and his adulteress perpetrated evil on an unsuspecting “victim”. They felt “powerful” because they were torturing someone who was not aware and therefore, was unable to fight the evil being done to them! But once I realized I was “chosen and victimized” then I fought back! It’s just too easy to destroy someone who has no idea what’s going on behind their backs! That makes these cheaters bullies and cowards. Once they are unmasked they run like the cowards they are!!!

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