Adultery is not a victimless “crime.”


You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

-Malachi 2:14, NIV

By now, I bet most people have had to suffer through the public service announcement on each movie about digital piracy. It is not a victimless crime. Apparently.

Pastors and Christian leaders need to spend more time making similar PSAs about adultery:

Adultery: it is not a victimless sin. 

Like the motion picture folks are trying to do with digital piracy, we need to start sensitizing Christians into seeing the real people who are hurt by infidelity. It isn’t victimless. Adultery victims do exist. 

Often when I hear about adultery from the pulpit, the usual pastoral move is to talk about God’s forgiveness available to the adulterous spouse. That is good and sound theology.

However, the focus on cheaters from the pulpit hurts my heart. It is focus that excludes care for the soul raped spouses and the families blown up by the deceit and treachery inherent in adulterous betrayal(s).

How can you care for someone if you do not see them or dare mention them in their plight?

I do not think I have ever heard a pastor or minister preach about a faithful spouse having to go into the doctor to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases because his/her spouse was sleeping with another. Precious little, if anything, is said about the shame and fear–“Maybe I caught a life-threatening disease through my cheating spouse?”–that comes with that.

Nor have I heard the sermon on adultery that talks about the faithful spouse vomiting for weeks curled up in the fetal position from the emotional and spiritual pain that comes with discovering the other spouse had been lying and sleeping with another for months or years! 

Yes, God forgives a sinner repenting of adultery. However, that does not mean the sin is without real victims. Those victims do not get to avoid the grave and natural consequences of such treachery. We–adultery victims–do not magically get back the weeks or months of vomiting and walking around in a numb daze wondering what just happened and how can we ever be safe again.

It is past time the Church saw adultery victims:

Adultery is not a victimless “crime!”



5 thoughts on “Adultery is not a victimless “crime.””

  1. We went to counseling last week. Keep in mind that my husband has continued to say there was no affair. There have been many lies and much deceit that don’t make sense. I’ll leave it at that for now.

    I told the counselor that I wanted my husband out of our house. I’m tired of the lies and deceit and what had just happened sent me over the edge. This other woman had sent him a text message for work in Jan. I had responded and told her there would be no more work from him. We exchanged a few comments and she knew where I was coming from. I was decent to her. No language. She said she would be blocking our phone.

    So, I decided last Friday to randomly check her number to see if it was blocked. It wasn’t. I heard her work machine pick up and I hung up quickly. Twenty seconds later she texts me. ” My block has run out and I’m now re-blocking. Stop harassing me”.. I texted her back and it didn’t go through so I went on her business fb page and left the message on pm. It was quick and to the point and not as nice as before…

    I told my husband what had happened. His response..” Stop calling her”…I told him I’d never called her before. He then proceeds to tell me ” It’s between her and I’….I put him straight on that one that there is no her and I.

    He comes home from work and tells me to put my shoes on. He wants me to here something. I do and we get in my car to go down the road. I didn’t know where. He pulls out his phone and plays a message from this woman’s husband. He tells my husband who he is and who his wife is. He then proceeds to tell my husband that I have been harassing his wife for the past three months. How insane. Does this shit ever end? I think there wall’s are crumbling!!

    1. I’m sorry. So the wife went back and told the husband that you had been harassing her. Maybe it was to cover her tracks for all the other communication back and forth, so she doesn’t have to admit the truth to her husband.

      I like the book “Love Must Be Tough” by Dr. Dobson. It helped me through my ex-husband’s gaslighting and affairs.

      1. That is EXACTLY what I think JannaG. Trying to portray me as the crazy one so when the truth comes out – she can say Yes…She’s been harassing me. God and Truth is on my side.

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