You would think a cheater would be the happy one as they are selfishly indulging in illicit sex.
Yet they seem to be the most onerous person in the world in interactions with their faithful partner. It is like the faithful partner offended them profoundly as opposed to the opposite as is true.
I am sure cheaters behave this way because their conscience–or what is left of it–is screaming at them over their wicked ways.
So, the faithful spouse becomes the target of their spiteful, cruel rage. They are the ones that remind them of what they should be doing (but are not). That is the offense, in my opinion.
That does not change how painful the experience is for the faithful spouse.
Just remember that someone’s behavior may have absolutely NOTHING to do with you even when they say otherwise. It is about the war in their souls. Sadly, most cheaters lose that battle and give into the life of the lie.
Fortunately, God provides a way out for faithful spouses. We are permitted to amputate that spiritual rot by divorce (see Mt 19:9). Sometimes, sadly, that “surgery” is absolutely necessary.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
That rage against me was horrifying. It started out slowly, things I didn’t even realize until later. Being screamed at because I ran out of salt, being screamed at because I put a wall decoration in the bathroom he didn’t like. When it happened I thought, that is so weird. I even talked to him and he put it off to stress at work because of his promotion. Then it got so bad I became afraid to approach him. I just made myself small. Fortunately for me it lasted for only a little over a year until it blew up and someone reported him for an ethics violation. But dang that was painful.
He always had a selfish streak, but he had never been nasty to me like that. I don’t think anyone who has not lived it can really understand the pain, confusion and fear.