A cheater does not need to be a total monster in order to be bad for you. I suspect most cheaters (if not all) have some “redeeming” qualities about themselves. If they didn’t, we probably never would have married them in the first place. They are mix–like all of us–of good and bad traits. But … Continue reading “Still… bad enough”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Religious-y “Both Sides” Advice
Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, And prudent in their own sight! -Isaiah 5:21, NKJV The practice of some pastors is to treat adultery on the same level as failure to do one’s share of the household chores: They are not the same! Faithful spouses are already primed to take on more responsibility … Continue reading “Religious-y “Both Sides” Advice”
Reality Validation. A Sane Voice.
Reality validation. This is gift others can give to a faithful spouse. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the simple but hard truth. The adultery happened. And–no–we are in no way responsible for the infidelity. It was wrong. No justification for the cheater cheating exists. I think these messages are especially important for the … Continue reading “Reality Validation. A Sane Voice.”
Mailbag: What do you do with this?
Dear DM, What do you do with this? I came here tonight because I am desperate. As I get closer to God I realize that doesn’t guarantee an answer about what I am supposed to do. My husband acts as if we’re fine everything is fine but it’s almost INSANE. What is your problem, “why … Continue reading “Mailbag: What do you do with this?”
Warped Sense of Reality Vortex
There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise. –Proverbs 26:12, NLT They traded the truth about God for a lie…. –Romans 1:25a, NLT Cheaters can come across as so confident in their lies. This confidence has the power to make even the most stalwart faithful spouse second-guess their instincts, hard evidence, … Continue reading “Warped Sense of Reality Vortex”
On oversharing
Some people just cannot handle the souls of others well. The conversation where a faithful spouse spills their grief and pain results in a shaming exercise where the Christian listener warns the faithful spouse about bitterness and God’s hatred of divorce. I know I fell into the “oversharing trap” early in my marriage’s dissolution. Too … Continue reading “On oversharing”
NOT a side issue!
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. -Hebrews 13:4, NKJV Cheating is NOT a side issue to marriage issues! It cuts to the core of the relationship. In fact, you have no marriage to even consider really as long as one partner is cheating. The cheater has decided to … Continue reading “NOT a side issue!”
PSA: Insisting affair ends is NOT abuse!
Public Service Announcement (PSA): It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair! Someone needs to see this. Cheaters will pull out all stops to make the faithful spouse look like the bad person. Insisting the affair end is a healthy boundary. It is respectful. You are simply refusing to accept ongoing abuse … Continue reading “PSA: Insisting affair ends is NOT abuse!”
An excuse to abuse? No, none.
I am convinced adultery is always abusive. Always. You cannot cheat on a spouse without abusing their trust minimally. Plus, I have yet to discover a story involving adultery where a period of deception did not take place–however, brief. In addition to that, I believe based on my reading of Scripture that adultery is soul … Continue reading “An excuse to abuse? No, none.”
Cheater-speak: “I’m a good Christian.”
Anyone who continues to live in him will not sin. But anyone who keeps on sinning does not know him or understand who he is. -I John 3:6, NLT “I’m a good Christian,” declares deceived Cheater. Some might make this statement to seek validation from you or others. They are saying it as a test … Continue reading “Cheater-speak: “I’m a good Christian.””