For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. -2 Timothy 4:3, NIV Before discovery or even after discovery of an affair, you might experience … Continue reading “Will not repent even in the face of counter evidence”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Bad Advice: “Love her back!”
“Rebuke your mother, rebuke her, for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband. Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.” -Hosea 2:2, NIV Love her back! So often, this advice is what is given as the “Christian” answer to marital infidelity. It is an … Continue reading “Bad Advice: “Love her back!””
Unwanted–initially–path
“…when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” -John 21:18b, NIV Unfortunately, I was the first. Somehow, my huge family had never experienced a divorce on either side of the immediate family. But I became the first … Continue reading “Unwanted–initially–path”
More concerned about how you found out
Pro-Tip: When the Cheater is more concerned about how you found out than the damaged they did to you, then you know they are not remorseful. This is the behavior of someone who is looking for the source of the leaked information. People ask such questions to continue their behavior. They are looking to plug … Continue reading “More concerned about how you found out”
Relief of knowing!
Relief. The months of stone-cold or downright cruel responses. Warmth disappearing overnight like a Minnesotan May blizzard. It all started to make sense. I wasn’t imagining things. The Other Man. He existed. Had existed for months! This is one of the strangest and most surreal parts of discovering infidelity. The moment of confirmation is not only … Continue reading “Relief of knowing!”
“What do you know?”
“Well, what do you know?” says Cheater. This is a clear sign that your Cheater is in full-blown damage control. They want to know what is known so that they don’t “over” confess. Plus, they want to know where the leaks are so that they can plug them. I do not recommend showing all your … Continue reading ““What do you know?””
Healing words for faithful spouses
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. -Hebrews 13:4, NIV “Yes, it happened. She cheated on you. And that’s right: you didn’t deserve it. It’s not your fault. Not at all.” You really want to help a faithful spouse. … Continue reading “Healing words for faithful spouses”
Make it stop!
My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” -Psalm 42:3, NIV Just make it stop! I remember how this was the feeling I had early in my divorce process from my Cheater. It made me vulnerable to doing some soppy, chumpy things. Sometimes, … Continue reading “Make it stop!”
Seared Moments
Certain moments stay with us for a lifetime. They are seared into our memories in technicolor. I will never forget a walk I had near my old condominium in the city. While I was walking, I was talking on the phone with my now ex-wife. The walk and conversation are still with me today–over a … Continue reading “Seared Moments”
No Other Man Drama
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent. -Proverbs 6:29, NKJV My Cheater loved the fantasy of being central and fought over for her affections. I know this as that was the take away for her from watching the awful movie, “Fireproof.” The scene of the husband fighting … Continue reading “No Other Man Drama”