“And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery–unless his wife has been unfaithful.” -Matthew 19:9, NLT What did YOU contribute to your marriage’s breakdown?! Years ago, I used to believe this was a reasonable question to ask any divorced individual. After all, we are imperfect creatures. We … Continue reading “Christian-ese: “Own your part of the marriage’s breakdown.””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Adultery needs exposure for the evil it is.
But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. -I Timothy 5:20, NIV Over the years, people like to judge me for continuing this blog ministry: “He must be bitter.” “I am concerned about his new family. He you would think he would have moved on … Continue reading “Adultery needs exposure for the evil it is.”
Starting Point: Cheating is abuse.
Starting Point: Cheating is abuse. The more I do this work, the more I am convinced this is THE defining assumption missing among Christian leaders. They treat adultery as less than abuse. If they get this assumption wrong, then all sorts of bad counsel flows from it. Conversely, if they get this assumption correct, there … Continue reading “Starting Point: Cheating is abuse.”
God required changed actions!
“If you want to come back, O Israel, you must really come back to me. You must get rid of your stinking sin paraphernalia and not wander away from me anymore.” -Jeremiah 4:1 (from 1-2 block), THE MESSAGE This verse comes on the heals of the chapter where God declares His divorce of Israel over … Continue reading “God required changed actions!”
Speculating on why divorce is treated as worse
The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. -Deuteronomy 28:13, NIV Why is divorce treated from the pulpit as worse than enduring unrepentant adultery in … Continue reading “Speculating on why divorce is treated as worse”
Yes, they could. They did!
20 My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant. 21 His talk is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords. -Psalm 55:20-21, NIV The shock is real. You thought you were married to one person, and their behavior is revealing them to … Continue reading “Yes, they could. They did!”
Too trusting and naive
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” -I Corinthians 13:11, NIV Most of my fellow pastors are ill-equipped to handle situations where adultery is present. Seminary trains us … Continue reading “Too trusting and naive”
Vulnerability of being a Pastor Faithful Spouse
2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. -I Timothy 3:2, 4, NIV Because divorce prejudice is real … Continue reading “Vulnerability of being a Pastor Faithful Spouse”
Symptom? Sure, of a wicked heart!
21 “For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23 All these evils come from inside and defile a person.” -Mark 7:21-23, NIV A typical response from some folks about cheating is treating as a symptom of marriage problems. That … Continue reading “Symptom? Sure, of a wicked heart!”
“Agreed, you didn’t file the papers.”
“Agreed, you didn’t file the [divorce] papers.” -Church Official After I had successfully defended my ministerial license with my now former denomination, I was forced to undergo a year of pastoral “care.” The official in charge of this year–knowing the awful details of my divorce–made a version of the above statement. If you did not … Continue reading ““Agreed, you didn’t file the papers.””