Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. -Ephesians 5:11, NIV Usually, people who have never experienced being lied to and cheated upon for months or even years do not get it! They might think the faithful spouse better off not knowing the truth about the betrayal. But I do … Continue reading “Cannot Un-Hear the Awful News”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Cheating as sin-habit.
No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. -I John 3:6, NIV Cheating as a sin-habit When talking about adultery, I suspect most people only think of the illicit sex act. Rarely, I suspect, … Continue reading “Cheating as sin-habit.”
Thinking Critically: Is someone less culpable for murder if their victim has cancer?
“Sure, I cheated. But that is not what killed our marriage. You…” -Cheater Is someone who shoots and kills a cancer patient less of a murderer because his victim had cancer? Of course, not. Generally speaking, we do not waste weeks and months trying to figure out what killed someone when they obviously bled out … Continue reading “Thinking Critically: Is someone less culpable for murder if their victim has cancer?”
Pro-Tip: Marry A Bad Liar
Pro-Tip: Marry a Bad Liar One of Mrs. DM’s many endearing traits is that she is a bad liar. I can tell when she is trying to fool me…usually. My ex-wife was (and is?) an excellent liar in my opinion. And that is not a complement. It is my observation. It was chilling how well … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Marry A Bad Liar”
Does telling destroy the marriage? No.
“We were perfectly fine as a couple before she found out I cheated. Now, she is angry with me and is threatening divorce. I blame you for this mess, because you told her!” -Cheater Husband In what alternate serious situation would we accept this sort of blame-shifting reasoning?! The whistleblower who exposes fraud and abuse … Continue reading “Does telling destroy the marriage? No.”
NOT Saying Something Is Actually Sin!
“Do not stand idly by when your neighbor’s life is threatened.” -Leviticus 19:16b, NLT Too many books and articles I see on infidelity tell outsiders to keep the secrets of infidelity to themselves. Cluing in the faithful spouse seems to be treated worse than the actual infidelity offenses themselves. Yet Scripture is clear what we … Continue reading “NOT Saying Something Is Actually Sin!”
Weedy Thinking
The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced. -Matthew 13:22, NLT Like the good gospel seed, a marriage that ends in adulterous betrayal did not … Continue reading “Weedy Thinking”
Resisting Revenge
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. -Romans 12:19, NIV The struggle is real. All the crummy injustices faithful spouses experience including dealing with months–or even years!–of lies, loss time with kids, a damage reputation, legal … Continue reading “Resisting Revenge”
Not Craftier Than God!
…and be sure your sin will find you out. -Numbers 32:23b, KJV He catches the wise in their craftiness, and the schemes of the wily are swept away. -Job 5:13, NIV From my cheater’s response in the initial confrontation over her adulterous affair, I am convinced she thought I would never discover her cheating. She … Continue reading “Not Craftier Than God!”
Film Grading, Critical Errors, and Understanding Infidelity
After a Saturday football game, my college coaches would take the game “film” and grade how each of us–athletes–performed in that contest. One category used in their film grading system was called “critical errors.” This label was reserved for mistakes so big that the mistake caused the play to fail. For an offensive lineman, a … Continue reading “Film Grading, Critical Errors, and Understanding Infidelity”