“Well, I wouldn’t have cheated with her if you had paid me more attention,” says Cheater. “He listened to me. This is just a cry for help,” says Cheater. A major danger with emotional affairs is to underestimate their damage and to take them lightly. My first marriage’s ending started with a series of “emotional … Continue reading “The “Emotional Affair” Blameshift”
Category: Cheating
What are you believing?
You are in no way responsible for what was done for you but… …you ARE 100% responsible for what you believe about it! A major part of recovering from marital infidelity is recovering from believing lies about ourselves. These are lies that the cheater often seeds in our lives while they are working to discard … Continue reading “What are you believing?”
The “drug” of attention
When someone feels unlovable, I believe emotional affairs hold an especial allure. The temptation is to fill a legitimate need through sinfully illegitimate ways. A cheater takes their need to feel lovable and turns to the world to make them feel worthy of romantic pursuit. This might manifest through evenings at bars where she welcomes … Continue reading “The “drug” of attention”
What an utter waste of time!
In my first marriage, we spent a significant amount of time going to couple’s therapy. This was done not because we were always troubled but for “preventative” maintenance. We even went to a marriage retreat before we got married. Generally speaking, those sessions were a waste of time and money. My second marriage has had … Continue reading “What an utter waste of time!”
Lies as native tongue.
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires…. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. -John 8:44a,c, NIV Ever get the denial? The cheater is caught red-handed. She knows the jig is up, but she goes ahead … Continue reading “Lies as native tongue.”
Cheater-Speak: “She has nothing to do with us.”
“She (Affair Partner) has nothing to do with us,” says Cheater. Cheaters say this, and sadly, they believe it. They do not see how having an affair partner is a major problem for their marriage. In their minds, they have already believed the lie that they are entitled to this relationship. It has been–conveniently for … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “She has nothing to do with us.””
The betrayed is Jesus!
23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread…. -I Corinthians 11:23, NIV (Emphasis mine) I was listening to a podcast the other day and was struck by this well-known passage. These words have been spoken for thousand of years … Continue reading “The betrayed is Jesus!”
Validation before talking forgiveness
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation before talking forgiveness”
Complications from “theft of reality”
I do not remember precisely where I read or heard the term “theft of reality.” Most likely, I came upon it through Chump Lady or one of the many books I have read on spiritual abuse. “Theft of reality” is a term used to describe how we–faithful spouses–experience a marital narrative with serious truth–and thereby … Continue reading “Complications from “theft of reality””
Not right to put onus onto faithful spouse!
In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the wilderness of Judea and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” -Matthew 3:1-2, NIV “You got to fight for your marriage!” says Christian leader. I find it odd, these days, to think how the Christian community puts “saving the marriage” on the faithful spouse. … Continue reading “Not right to put onus onto faithful spouse!”