Dear Divorce Minister, I am separated from my wife. She left me and our boys, age 12, on November 2nd 2018. She said she was stressed dealing with one of our sons who has ADHD and ODD. At first, it was a 30 day separation and I was a good dad, husband, provider, etc. She … Continue reading “Dear DM, My wife says that she deserves to be happy.”
Category: Emotional Affair
Be cautious in sharing with (ex) in-laws!
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. -Ephesians 6:4, NIV I made an honest mistake when my marriage started to unravel: My mistake was to open and share my heart to the father of my (now) ex-wife. It was an honest mistake in that I … Continue reading “Be cautious in sharing with (ex) in-laws!”
Cheater: “Maybe God wants me to sacrifice my marriage like Isaac?”
And he [God] said, “Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.” -Genesis 22:2, KJV “Maybe God is asking me to sacrifice my marriage like … Continue reading “Cheater: “Maybe God wants me to sacrifice my marriage like Isaac?””
Happy-Maker, Spouse is not!
***Marriage is not a happy-making contract!*** The seemingly accepted “wisdom” on dealing with infidelity–especially emotional affairs–is to look to the marriage relationship for what was “missing.” In other words, why was the cheater unhappy? Besides being predicated on a sociologically proven false premise–i.e. cheaters only cheat when they are unhappy in their marriages (see Dr. … Continue reading “Happy-Maker, Spouse is not!”
Cheater-Speak: “Open and Honest”
“I have to be open and honest.” -Cheater This is a manipulation game for the unaware. A cheater seeking “openness” from a faithful spouse is really asking for them to show all their cards while the cheater holds their own close to the chest. It is a plea for one-sided disclosure. Openness is not the … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “Open and Honest””
Forgiveness does not alter historical facts.
It still feels strange for me to even speak about how my first marriage ended. I feel internal pressure and accusation as if speaking the facts means I have not forgiven her or am bitter. That’s a lie, by the way. But it is a hard one to shake growing up amidst a Christian … Continue reading “Forgiveness does not alter historical facts.”
Cheater defenses
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Be prepared for the cheater to give every excuse as to why what they did wasn’t “that bad.” I think that is all about their own defenses. It comes back to their own image management where they are unwilling to face reality because that would tarnish their … Continue reading “Cheater defenses”
How about talking about God loving adultery victims?!
“Jesus is “‘the stone you builders rejected, which has become the cornerstone.’” -Acts 4:11, NIV God loves thieves. True. God loves rapists. True. God loves adulterers and adulteresses. True. But does God love their victims? Does God love the robbed? Does God love the raped? Does God love adultery victims? I know God does. He identifies as one … Continue reading “How about talking about God loving adultery victims?!”
Do not blame the faithful spouse for the cheater’s lack of repentance
“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.” -Matthew 23:37, NIV An injustice faithful spouses experience when divorce is on the table is being blamed for … Continue reading “Do not blame the faithful spouse for the cheater’s lack of repentance”
Relief of Acknowledgment
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. -Romans 12:15, KJV When going through adultery discovery, the validation of true friends is a balm to a hurting soul. Religious people are tempted to foist “forgiveness” on the grieving faithful spouse. They skip over the acknowledgement of the severe injustices the faithful … Continue reading “Relief of Acknowledgment”