And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” -Genesis 3:11-12, NIV Just because a cheater goes to couple’s therapy … Continue reading “PSA: If they’re blaming, then cheaters aren’t there to rebuild the marriage.”
Category: Emotional Affair
Stop digging up those old “bones.”
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” -Isaiah 43:18-19a, NIV Sometimes ruminating on the past just inflicts more suffering. Not doing this is easier said than done, of course. We do need space to tell our stories plus acknowledge what happened actually happened. That is … Continue reading “Stop digging up those old “bones.””
Dangerously, dumb advice
“Why don’t you both take a break from each other?” -Clueless Counselor This is one of the dumbest pieces of advice given to a couple dealing with infidelity. The problems of an infidelity ravaged marriage are not solved by creating more distance and less accountability for the cheater. Both are the last things needed, actually. A break is … Continue reading “Dangerously, dumb advice”
Unfinished Cheater Business
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” -Matthew 5:23-24, NIV When a cheater divorces and goes on to remarry, … Continue reading “Unfinished Cheater Business”
Feelings regarding affair partner(s)
Keep to a path far from her [adulteress], do not go near the door of her house,lest you lose your honor to others and your dignity to one who is cruel,lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich the house of another. -Proverbs 8-10, NIV How do I feel about the affair partner(s)? Obviously, an affair … Continue reading “Feelings regarding affair partner(s)”
Cheater fellowship with Christ?
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” -John 8:12, NIV If we claim that we share life with him, but keep walking in the realm of darkness, we’re fooling ourselves and not living the … Continue reading “Cheater fellowship with Christ?”
More than the individual spouse harmed!
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NIV Just as the wedding day is a family event, the adultery discovery and divorce are felt by the same family as … Continue reading “More than the individual spouse harmed!”
The distinction lie
“It wasn’t really cheating. Come on! We both know we weren’t close for years.” -Cheater A cheater might draw a distinction in their mind. This distinction allows them to believe their own lie about the infidelity. It helps them to minimize what they did. They are unique because of this distinction. -Maybe your cheater moved … Continue reading “The distinction lie”
Cheaters return to own “vomit”
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. -Proverbs 26:11, NIV Committing adultery is foolish, foolish behavior. The Bible names it as such in Proverbs 5. And the general observation from chapter twenty-six is that fools repeat such folly. Maybe this does not happen always, but it usually does as this … Continue reading “Cheaters return to own “vomit””
Cheater-Speak: “A cry for help” affair
“Don’t you see it [the cheating] was a cry for help?! If only you had ____ (fill in favorite cheater grievance with faithful spouse) more, then I wouldn’t have cheated.” -Unfaithful spouse Using the “Cry for help” excuse for an affair–either emotional or physical–is manipulation pure and simple. The cheater is using this label to … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “A cry for help” affair”