“She (Affair Partner) has nothing to do with us,” says Cheater. Cheaters say this, and sadly, they believe it. They do not see how having an affair partner is a major problem for their marriage. In their minds, they have already believed the lie that they are entitled to this relationship. It has been–conveniently for … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “She has nothing to do with us.””
Category: Emotional Affair
Validation before talking forgiveness
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation before talking forgiveness”
Complications from “theft of reality”
I do not remember precisely where I read or heard the term “theft of reality.” Most likely, I came upon it through Chump Lady or one of the many books I have read on spiritual abuse. “Theft of reality” is a term used to describe how we–faithful spouses–experience a marital narrative with serious truth–and thereby … Continue reading “Complications from “theft of reality””
On “Root of Bitterness”
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. -Hebrews 12:15, NIV In order to avoid the discomfort of facing injustice and naming it as such, some Christians turn on faithful spouses calling them “bitter.” They are too … Continue reading “On “Root of Bitterness””
Reminder: Cheating is abuse!
Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! – I Corinthians 6:15b, NLT When someone is a cheater, they are also an abuser. You cannot have one without the other. Soul rape is abusive. I am astounded by how cheating and adultery are too often treated … Continue reading “Reminder: Cheating is abuse!”
Will not rebuild
“Even if she cheated on me, I would still stay with her and try to make the marriage work,” says faithful spouse. “You’d just hold that over her head forever,” replies cheater apologist. When this is the mentality or response from the cheater side, you know the marriage is done. This sort of response exposes … Continue reading “Will not rebuild”
Never the true focus of their affection
I recently attended a conference where the speaker, Pastor Joel Brooks, said something that got me thinking. He was talking about the difference between the two kingdoms: God’s and Satan’s kingdoms. In particular, he pointed out ways humans engage in behavior that is opposite love. In one of the contrasts he drew, Pastor Brooks shared … Continue reading “Never the true focus of their affection”
Emotional Affair Wierdness
Ever experienced a cheater deeply worried about another’s feelings? They are just trying to be a good “hostess.” In their mind, the most important thing is that this “friend” feels comfortable. They want their approval. What is NOT important to this person is how their spouse feels or thinks! This is a tell-tale sign that … Continue reading “Emotional Affair Wierdness”
Cheating to “benefit” the marriage!
“I cheated as a cry for help,” says Cheater. “This will just make us better in the end, and you’ll thank me in the end,” says Cheater. A cheater claiming that the cheating will make the marriage better is a very delusion character, indeed! The sad thing is some pastors and therapists will agree with … Continue reading “Cheating to “benefit” the marriage!”
Triggered: “Open and honest”
“We need to have open and honest communication,” says Cheater. When I hear the phrase “open and honest,” I am slightly triggered. It sends me back to the conflict with my ex-wife as our marriage ended. The words aren’t bad in and of themselves. Such a goal for communication is admirable. We want to be … Continue reading “Triggered: “Open and honest””