But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. -Matthew 5:28, NLT Public Service Announcement: Divorce is NOT the enemy. Sin IS! A pet peeve of mine is hearing pastors talk about the tragedy of divorce as if this the problem. Such talk … Continue reading “Divorce is NOT the enemy! Sin is.”
Category: Emotional Affair
A shot at reconciliation denied.
Peace. One of the things that gave me peace–after some time of healing–about my first marriage ending was that I gave it a shot. I left the door open to a godly reconciliation. Once I knew about the adultery, I kicked the ball back into her court. I gave her the option of repenting from … Continue reading “A shot at reconciliation denied.”
They do not really care about you!
“I never intended to hurt you,” says Cheater. This statement is either from someone who is lying boldly to your face or by someone who sucks at connecting their actions to consequences. In neither instance are they a good person to be around. They may be lying to more than just you in making this … Continue reading “They do not really care about you!”
Dumb Stuff “Christians” Say Regarding Cheating Situations
Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. -Proverbs 17:28 More Christians could learn from that fool from Proverbs 17:28 who held his tongue when it comes to marriages ravaged by adultery. Sadly, the advice (and condemnation) come all too freely for faithful spouses. Here a few … Continue reading “Dumb Stuff “Christians” Say Regarding Cheating Situations”
Cheater-Speak: “I’m afraid of you.”
“I’m afraid of you,” says Cheater. This is usually a very effective manipulation by a usually female cheater. It is designed to garner instant sympathy from outsiders. You are generally not going to argue with someone who claims to feel unsafe. The problem is how this is a lie. Many of these cheaters will say … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I’m afraid of you.””
The real “pretending”
“I can’t keep pretending about our marriage!” cries Cheater. What I find interesting, now, about such a statement is how twisted it is. The Cheater is so self-deceived to think they are being “honest” by breaking their most sacred vows. If anything is “pretending,” it is the Cheater pretending NOT to be off the market … Continue reading “The real “pretending””
Communication problem? Not how it seems.
The only “communication” issue needing addressing stat is the absolute, verified ending the affair. A cheater can keep a pastor and faithful spouse chasing random rabbit trails for a very long time if they are convinced the marriage issues are anything other than ending the affair. Lot of energy can be lost focusing on secondary … Continue reading “Communication problem? Not how it seems.”
Look for godliness as priority in pastoral care
“Let’s set aside the affair for a moment. We need to work on your marriage. You each have problems you need to own.” -Pastor/Christian Counselor If a version comes out of your pastors or counselor’s mouth, it is time to find a new pastor or counselor. They are dangerously clueless. Fidelity is a bedrock for … Continue reading “Look for godliness as priority in pastoral care”
What that verse on revenge does NOT say…
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” saith the Lord. -Romans 12:19, KJV I find this verse instructive as it comes to forgiving cheaters. First, it tells us to release to God our fantasies of taking revenge on our abusers. Many … Continue reading “What that verse on revenge does NOT say…”
Real love is a choice.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” -John 13:34, NIV Jesus is not commanding our feelings. That would not make sense. Our emotions just are. A command implies a choice to do or not to do something. That means we have a choice–i.e. … Continue reading “Real love is a choice.”