Category: Emotional Affair

Yes, the cheater probably has a messed up past…

Yes, Family of Origin (FOO) issues probably need work in the cheater, but… …those issues NEVER excuse cheating! I have little doubt most cheaters have skeletons in their family closets. They likely have secrets and traumas left unaddressed. None of those are excuses for cheating. Being sinned against does not give us permission to sin. … Continue reading “Yes, the cheater probably has a messed up past…”

Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!

Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Divorce Minister’s Take On the Ethics of AAMFT For those who are unfamiliar, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is a–if not THE— major professional association for marriage therapists in the United States.  You can read their ethics statement by clicking (here). Today’s post … Continue reading “Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!”

But she said she would never…

She said she would would never cheat on me. No matter how difficult the marriage became, we were (supposedly) committed to each other. Cheating was not on the table. You see this is what makes infidelity so hard to believe. Cheating flies in the face of explicit promises made by the faithful spouse–husband or wife. … Continue reading “But she said she would never…”

Reason to feel anxious

One of the many difficulties of dealing with a cheater is how they induce panic and anxiety in us. I can remember feeling such panic and anxiety during each interaction with my cheater. Maybe it is just me?! But I doubt it. This fear and panic comes from all the nasty surprises one gets in … Continue reading “Reason to feel anxious”

Outsider “forgiveness concern” vs “repentance concern”

…and if you see him going the wrong direction, cry out and correct him. If there is true repentance on his part, forgive him. -Luke 17:3, TPT I wonder if you have experienced versions of these questions or statements. (They usually come from well-meaning–but emotionally and biblically tone-deaf–Christians): “So, have you forgiven her?” “Where are … Continue reading “Outsider “forgiveness concern” vs “repentance concern””

Easier to blame than repent

+Picture of a mole caught in a trap But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God: yea, let them turn every one from his evil way, and from the violence that is in their hands. -Jonah 3:8, KJV Let’s be honest: Repenting and facing one’s “demons” is hard work! This is … Continue reading “Easier to blame than repent”

Cheater engaging in a series of affairs

When you have a cheater engaging in a series of affairs, you have someone who is trying to fix the internal with the external. This is not about the marriage. The affairs reveal a heart that is in need of spiritual and emotional healing. It is an internal issue within the cheater needing addressing. A … Continue reading “Cheater engaging in a series of affairs”

What treatment will you tolerate?

What treatment will you tolerate? Faithful spouses, we have choices. We have agency in these matters. Those choices or options are not very good ones, true. It is a buffet of bad options. But we DO have choices! We do not have to stay in an adulterous and abusive marriage (see Mt 19:9). The option … Continue reading “What treatment will you tolerate?”

3 Things Pastors and Church Leaders Need To Know About Adultery

-3 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ADULTERY- 1. ADULTERY IS SOUL RAPE! The Bible is clear about the principle about how a married couple is no longer two individuals in a spiritual sense but are actually one (see Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:6, I Corinthians 6:15-18, etc). Following from this oneness principle of marriage, any … Continue reading “3 Things Pastors and Church Leaders Need To Know About Adultery”