Divorce impacts a community. Like the sin of adultery, it is not a private affair (see Deut. 22:22). The divorce hits the whole network of relationships. It is painful to face the reality that a couple is no longer a couple. This is doubly so when you like and connected with both spouses. This way of … Continue reading “Divorce grief and the community”
Category: Grief
Pining after your cheater? Rebuild your life and leave them as an unpleasant footnote.
So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. -Job 42:12a, NLT Cheaters enjoy being the center of your attention. The best revenge is one where they are irrelevant to your life. You are too busy with the new life God has given you to even think of … Continue reading “Pining after your cheater? Rebuild your life and leave them as an unpleasant footnote.”
The grief can be complicated.
Grief hurts. It surprises even years after the loss. You might think you have “dealt with that” only to discover feelings ambush you at some surprise moment. Our culture does not do grief well. Churches can be especially bad on this number. This is particularly true as it comes to the grief associated with a … Continue reading “The grief can be complicated.”
Nine years later… barely a memory!
Yesterday, it would have been nine years since I received word that my divorce was finalized. It nearly went by without my notice. For a moment, I wondered if it had already passed without my notice. Yet, that is all I did–i.e. notice it. This response is one that I could not even imagine nine … Continue reading “Nine years later… barely a memory!”
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving to my faithful spouses in the USA! I know this day may be a tough day for some of you. However, I would encourage both acknowledging those feelings exist AND thinking about what gives you gratitude as part of developing the spiritual discipline of thanksgiving. So, in the spirit of the holiday and … Continue reading “Happy Thanksgiving!”
A forgiveness related hope
When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” -Genesis 50:15, NIV His brothers literally sold him into slavery and led their father to believe he was dead. Joseph was truly WRONGED by his … Continue reading “A forgiveness related hope”
Powerful finality
It felt different when it was final. The divorce. Up until then, I think I was still praying for an repentance miracle. I got the papers and then I knew it was truly over. It just felt different. My recommendation is to plan that day. Make sure you have some friends or a friend to … Continue reading “Powerful finality”
Abandonment: When one spouse is “done”
But the people replied, “Don’t waste your breath. We will continue to live as we want to, stubbornly following our own evil desires.” -Jeremiah 18:12, NLT Letting go of a spouse is hard. This is true, in my experience, even if that spouse is a cheater. We married them, and it is a bitter pill … Continue reading “Abandonment: When one spouse is “done””
That phase
When the infidelity betrayal is fresh, a temptation exists to write off an entire gender. I think this is very common for faithful spouses. I think it is part of the grief process. We feel vulnerable and betrayed. The trauma of it all makes us want to avoid putting ourselves in a place where … Continue reading “That phase”
Sucker punch of grief
His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “I will go to my grave mourning for my son,” he would say, and then he would weep. -Genesis 37:35, NLT Out of nowhere. That is how grief works sometimes. It reminds us of the loss even when we thought we were … Continue reading “Sucker punch of grief”