Yesterday, Mrs. and Munchkin were with me at a local restaurant. A country song came on overhead, and I was immediately transported to my first honeymoon. Poignant was the memory. Kind of sad but also happy in the sense that it was a joyous time when the memory was made. This is grief. I am … Continue reading “A song surfaces grief”
Category: Grief
Maybe it isn’t THAT bad? (It was worse.)
Maybe it isn’t so bad? Maybe it is “just” an emotional affair?! For me, knowing my Cheater had a physical affair was more traumatic than dealing with an emotional affair. So, I minimized what I knew was the case from evidence until the truth was unavoidable. The truth became unavoidable when she coped to committing … Continue reading “Maybe it isn’t THAT bad? (It was worse.)”
Beware: You are vulnerable!
Beware that the ending of your marriage leaves you vulnerable! I am not suggesting living in fear. However, I recommend a sober-eyed assessment about how your needs leave you open to unhealthy relationships. In separation and early divorce, you are grieving and learning how to deal with loneliness and loss of intimacy with the opposite … Continue reading “Beware: You are vulnerable!”
Unbidden memories
Sometimes the memories resurface at the strangest times. That’s the nature of grief. It ambushes and goes at its own speed. And the difficult memories are not the hard ones. They are the “good” memories. Those memories are the hardest for me, at least. “Good” memories drive home the thought that something worthwhile was truly … Continue reading “Unbidden memories”
Alluring Premature Forgiveness
…and if you see him going the wrong direction, cry out and correct him. If there is true repentance on his part, forgive him. -Luke 17:3, TPT What I find interesting is how much advice is given to faithful spouses about forgiveness as if this is the hardest part–convincing faithful spouses of the importance of … Continue reading “Alluring Premature Forgiveness”
Protest feelings
I remember vividly driving down one specific stretch of I-35 years ago in complete protest to what was happening. The feelings were surreal! Divorce wasn’t something that was to happen to me! I could not believe this was happening. And I SOOOO wanted the pain of it all to end. It hurt so bad. I … Continue reading “Protest feelings”
Golden Rule: Telling Other Partner
Do to others as you would like them to do to you. -Luke 6:31, NLT If you know someone is cheating on their spouse, do you tell the faithful spouse? In a word: YES!!! Now, that does not mean you have to tell them immediately. However, I figure the Golden Rule applies here. Would you … Continue reading “Golden Rule: Telling Other Partner”
The sun will shine on you, again!
Those who trust in the Lord are as secure as Mount Zion; they will not be defeated but will endure forever. -Psalm 125:1, NLT The sun will shine on you, again! I am convinced of this. The darkness of this awful season will not last forever–even if it feels otherwise right now. Things can and do get better sans … Continue reading “The sun will shine on you, again!”
Hard Holidays
Holidays can be hard! I just want to acknowledge that. This time of year can be difficult for those of us who are experiencing the traumatic ending of a marriage. They are seasons that bring the loses in focus. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to NOT be okay. Your feelings are … Continue reading “Hard Holidays”
Forgiveness does NOT undo trauma!
No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. -Job 2:13b, NIV Forgiveness does NOT erase the effects of trauma! You can both forgive and still be revolted by your cheating spouse. The two are not mutually exclusive. I am annoyed with pastors and churches pushing traumatized faithful spouses … Continue reading “Forgiveness does NOT undo trauma!”