For I have heard the slander of many: fear was on every side: while they took counsel together against me, they devised to take away my life. -Psalm 31:13, KJV Some cheaters are especially skillful manipulators. They can keep up a double life for months if not years! While living these lies, they suck others … Continue reading “Cheaters weaponizing “friends””
Category: Sin
Accusations of image manipulations
Cheaters sometimes accuse faithful spouses of their own (hidden) behavior. A common one I have heard is the cheater accusing the faithful spouse of cheating! This happens while they are actually the ones cheating. It is crazy! As this post suggests, a cheater might accuse the faithful spouse of duping their family and close friends while … Continue reading “Accusations of image manipulations”
If only half the energy used to condemn divorcees were redirected to condemn adultery….
Notice how some Christians feel completely free to share condemning opinions about divorce with faithful spouses but suddenly become silent regarding adultery with cheaters? It is so odd. The same people who wouldn’t DARE confront your cheater over her infidelity are the same crowd probing or condemning you for choosing divorce. They behave as if “Thou … Continue reading “If only half the energy used to condemn divorcees were redirected to condemn adultery….”
Yes, FOO issues probably need work, but…
Yes, Family of Origin (FOO) issues probably need work in the cheater, but… …those issues NEVER excuse cheating! I have little doubt most cheaters have skeletons in their family closets. They likely have secrets and traumas left unaddressed. None of those are excuses for cheating. Being sinned against does not give us permission to sin. … Continue reading “Yes, FOO issues probably need work, but…”
DM’s take on the ethics of AAMFT
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Divorce Minister’s Take On the Ethics of AAMFT For those who are unfamiliar, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is a–if not THE— major professional association for marriage therapists in the United States. You can read their ethics statement by clicking (here). Today’s post … Continue reading “DM’s take on the ethics of AAMFT”
She said she would never….
She said she would would never cheat on me. No matter how difficult the marriage became, we were (supposedly) committed to each other. Cheating was not on the table. You see this is what makes infidelity so hard to believe. Cheating flies in the face of explicit promises made by the faithful spouse–husband or wife. … Continue reading “She said she would never….”
Practical advice for healing and finding peace
“…and the truth shall make you free.” -John 8:32b, KJV Two Practical Strategies for Peace* When I was recovering from my divorce from my cheater, two particular strategies helped me the most. 1. Identify the “handles,” “triggers,” or otherwise unwanted labels/identities that you vehemently are trying to avoid. An effective manipulator is able to hone … Continue reading “Practical advice for healing and finding peace”
Conversation as domination
“We NEVER talk!” cries the cheater (in a conversation with their spouse). Cheaters say one thing and really mean another. The arguments they fight with faithful spouses are less about what they say and more about domination. It is not that faithful spouses will not talk but rather faithful spouses do not agree with what the cheater … Continue reading “Conversation as domination”
Revenge cheating. Just don’t!
These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. -James 1:15, NLT Responding to cheating by cheating is wrong. Now, I understand the impulse. It feels like justice. However, it is definitely NOT justice! Revenge cheating is sin. Please, don’t do it. I know some … Continue reading “Revenge cheating. Just don’t!”
Forgiveness “Concern” Versus Repentance “Concern”
…and if you see him going the wrong direction, cry out and correct him. If there is true repentance on his part, forgive him. -Luke 17:3, TPT I wonder if you have experienced versions of these questions or statements. They usually come from well-meaning (but emotionally and biblically tone-deaf) Christians: “So, have you forgiven her?” … Continue reading “Forgiveness “Concern” Versus Repentance “Concern””