Not everyone deserves to hear your story. It is a privilege to be allowed entry into such an intimate and tender place. One of the hardest lessons I am still learning is to hold what I know closer to my chest. In other words, I tend to the “over share” spectrum of sharing. I am … Continue reading “Careful in Sharing”
Category: Sin
Memories Remain
*DM on August 19, 2006. Today is a sad day for me. It was a day of celebration eleven years ago. Today was my first wedding day. I am amazed that even eleven years–and all the awfulness involved–does not obliterate the memories of that day. Our memories are fascinating things. I can still recall moments … Continue reading “Memories Remain”
“She cheated. I am not surprised,” says Outside Observer
“She cheated. I’m not surprised. He should have paid her more attention.” -Outside Observer “He cheated on her. I’m not surprised. She really let herself go.” – Outside Observer These sort of observations are examples of victim blaming. JUST DON’T!!! Such Outside Observers are trading on the false notion that circumstances cause cheating as opposed … Continue reading ““She cheated. I am not surprised,” says Outside Observer”
God did not author this! She did.
Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. – James 1:13, NKJV God did not author this! She did. An unfortunate consequence of allowing human freedom is allowing humans to make sinful choices. Those choices belong to … Continue reading “God did not author this! She did.”
Mistake Made In Re-Engaging
The Other Man was discovered. I wrote a letter to my (then) wife letting her know I would not tolerate her cheating anymore. She could either choose to work to prove to me that her cheating days were over, or she could expect me to terminate my relationship–friendship included–with her permanently. Obviously, she chose the … Continue reading “Mistake Made In Re-Engaging”
Taylor Swift, Sexual Assault, and Adultery Victim Blaming Parallels
Recently, Taylor Swift testified in a court case where a DJ was suing her for losing his job. This DJ, David Mueller, had grabbed Taylor Swift’s bottom–i.e. sexually assaulted her–and got fired over this unacceptable behavior by his employer (more info here). Taylor was testifying about her feelings regarding his firing. Essentially, she makes it … Continue reading “Taylor Swift, Sexual Assault, and Adultery Victim Blaming Parallels”
Dear DM, I just don’t know what to do….
Dear DM, Please I need your help…. I am a 25 year old female who is in a 1 year relationship with a 52 year old man, but that’s not inherently where the issue lies…. The man I am dating is a pastor. And he is married. I met him when the pastor at the … Continue reading “Dear DM, I just don’t know what to do….”
Some people are just cowards.
“Why won’t he just own up and confess already? I know he cheated. “ -Exasperated faithful wife In my experience, faithful spouses are tough and courageous people. They have gone through the fire and have had their amazing strength exposed. Cheaters, on the other hand… Some people are just plain cowards. Faithful spouses are confused by … Continue reading “Some people are just cowards.”
Pay Attention to Power Dynamics!
“So what if you forgave her? You would always be able to hold her cheating over her head.” – Cheater “supporter” What so many faithful spouses fail to recognize early is how the relationship with their cheater is really about the cheater having and maintaining power. Remember the adage: Knowledge is power. We think that … Continue reading “Pay Attention to Power Dynamics!”
Cheater Claiming To Have Overcome Their Sin
“I talked it through with my [individual] therapist, and it [the cheating] is no longer a problem. The real problem in our marriage is how you ….” – Cheater Never take a cheater on their word alone. Cheaters are accomplished manipulators. They have been known to play seasoned pastors and therapists. Some cheaters have honed … Continue reading “Cheater Claiming To Have Overcome Their Sin”