Some cheaters will come back around and attempt to reconnect with their faithful partner after the divorce. They may want to rehash what happened in the marriage. This is just a recipe for abuse for the faithful partner. Do NOT take the bait! A repentant cheater would put action to their sorry. They wouldn’t try … Continue reading “Wanting to rehash the marriage”
Category: Sin
Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.”
“I can’t pretend anymore,” says Cheater. The irony of this statement is almost funny if it was not so tragic and painful. A cheater saying such a thing is just spouting a lie. They do not have a problem with pretending: Cheating requires pretending one is not married, after all. The whole point of a … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.””
Failures in counseling
You, however, smear me with lies; you are worthless physicians, all of you! -Job 13:4, NIV One of the more infuriating things about looking back on my first marriage’s demise is how awful the counselors were! These were professionals who were worse than worthless. They enabled an entitlement mentality by my cheater and aided in her … Continue reading “Failures in counseling”
Willful Choosers of Evil
“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?” -Matthew 23:33, NIV Before my divorce, I did not truly believe in the existence of such a “brood of vipers” as Jesus calls some religious leaders. Theoretically, I understood some people were or are awful. Of course, I understood that Hitler … Continue reading “Willful Choosers of Evil”
No good out of the “what if’s”
“What if what the cheater is saying about me is true?!” -frets the faithful spouse This is a destructive “What if?” Faithful spouses stuck in this “What if?” are in real danger of spiritual and emotional destruction. They are allowing the daggers of cheater lies dig deeper into their heart. My encouragement is to remember … Continue reading “No good out of the “what if’s””
Hubris of trying to fix her
Under three things the earth quakes, And under four, it cannot endure: …Under an unloved woman when she gets a husband… -Proverbs 30:21, 23a, NASB I wonder how many of us, faithful spouses, had a spouse who confessed to feeling like they were unlovable. If you were like me, you took that as a challenge … Continue reading “Hubris of trying to fix her”
Preaching “Thou Shalt Not Divorce” as if part of Ten Commandments!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV A pet peeve of mine these days is hearing fellow pastors condemn divorce from the pulpit. It might come in the form of a lament of people going “the easy way.” Some might be bold enough to call out divorce as “evil.” The odd thing is they … Continue reading “Preaching “Thou Shalt Not Divorce” as if part of Ten Commandments!”
Yes, the cheater probably has a messed up past…
Yes, Family of Origin (FOO) issues probably need work in the cheater, but… …those issues NEVER excuse cheating! I have little doubt most cheaters have skeletons in their family closets. They likely have secrets and traumas left unaddressed. None of those are excuses for cheating. Being sinned against does not give us permission to sin. … Continue reading “Yes, the cheater probably has a messed up past…”
Why support is so thin for faithful spouses–aka adultery victims
“It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering.” … Continue reading “Why support is so thin for faithful spouses–aka adultery victims”
Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Divorce Minister’s Take On the Ethics of AAMFT For those who are unfamiliar, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is a–if not THE— major professional association for marriage therapists in the United States. You can read their ethics statement by clicking (here). Today’s post … Continue reading “Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!”