Category: Sin

They already think they are special.

“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV Cheaters do not need reminders of their specialness. They need reminders that they are accountable for their sinful behavior. A godly pastor will keep this in mind when dealing with a cheater. … Continue reading “They already think they are special.”

Another alleged cheating megachurch pastor: Tavner Smith of Venue Church

“Smith said he are ‘great friends’ with the employee but not ‘sexually involved.’ He admitted the two had kissed, but only after they stopped living with their spouses …. ‘As long as she is still married, we are not going to have any type of romantic relations,’ he said.” -Anugrah Kumar, “Audio of Venue Church … Continue reading “Another alleged cheating megachurch pastor: Tavner Smith of Venue Church”

Do not call it “a mistake!”

Cheating on a spouse is not just “a mistake.” We all make mistakes. True. No one is perfect. However, plenty of people never commit adultery. Many people are not involved in raping their spouse’s soul. Plenty of individuals do not live double lives or engage in concerted gas-lighting behavior to keep their spouse from believing the … Continue reading “Do not call it “a mistake!””

Look for guilty, NOT shameful cheaters for promising change!

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A “guilt … Continue reading “Look for guilty, NOT shameful cheaters for promising change!”

Choose not to enter their warped reality!

There is more hope for fools     than for people who think they are wise.  –Proverbs 26:12, NLT They traded the truth about God for a lie….   –Romans 1:25a, NLT Cheaters can come across as so confident in their lies. This confidence has the power to make even the most stalwart faithful spouse second-guess their instincts, hard evidence, … Continue reading “Choose not to enter their warped reality!”

Sometimes the season dictates divorce.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Sometimes choosing divorce is the best of bad options left for a faithful spouse. This is why I cite this wisdom verse. It is allegedly written by the wisest of all humans–bar Jesus–King Solomon. Everything means everything. That includes … Continue reading “Sometimes the season dictates divorce.”

Beware of oversharing

Some people just cannot handle the souls of others well. The conversation where a faithful spouse spills their grief and pain results in a shaming exercise where the Christian listener warns the faithful spouse about bitterness and God’s hatred of divorce. I know I fell into the “oversharing trap” early in my marriage’s dissolution. Too … Continue reading “Beware of oversharing”

“Dating” while married fosters entitlement

Growing up in evangelical church circles, I heard the common teaching about couples “date nights” as if forever “dating” your spouse should be the norm. I think this teaching is both unwise and unhealthy. Don’t get me wrong: I believe investing in couples time is important. However, calling it “dating” is unwise. As I mentioned … Continue reading ““Dating” while married fosters entitlement”

PSA: It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair.

Public Service Announcement (PSA): It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair! Someone needs to see this. Cheaters will pull out all stops to make the faithful spouse look like the bad person. Insisting the affair end is a healthy boundary. It is respectful. You are simply refusing to accept ongoing abuse … Continue reading “PSA: It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair.”