11 No one can know a person’s thoughts except that person’s own spirit, and no one can know God’s thoughts except God’s own Spirit. 12 And we have received God’s Spirit (not the world’s spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us. -1 Corinthians 2:11-12, NLT A good pastor understands he (or … Continue reading “Pastors as spiritual advisers, NOT dictators!”
Category: Theology of divorce
Divorce Minister, Can you help?
Hi, I need help addressing my elders in my church regarding adultery. My husband had an affair with another member. I caught him, he was sorry. The pastor had the girl apologize and say she wouldn’t contact my husband again. It was very hard, but I forgave my husband, and we tried to work … Continue reading “Divorce Minister, Can you help?”
Ambiguous Loss Article
Today, I came across an article (click here) that labels divorce as an “ambiguous loss.” When I saw the article, I thought of how having a name for it might help some who read here. To be clear, I do not agree with the advice the author gives to the person who made the advice … Continue reading “Ambiguous Loss Article”
“You just weren’t right for each other.”
“You just weren’t right for each other.” -Christian (giving a pass to the cheater) I find this sort of Monday morning quarterbacking annoying. It is obvious that a cheater and faithful spouse have different values based on their actions. That alone says that they are not compatible. If we knew our spouse was going to … Continue reading ““You just weren’t right for each other.””
Bad enough…for you!
A cheater does not need to be a total monster in order to be bad for you. I suspect most cheaters (if not all) have some “redeeming” qualities about themselves. If they didn’t, we probably never would have married them in the first place. They are mix–like all of us–of good and bad traits. But … Continue reading “Bad enough…for you!”
Shout out to faithful spouses courageously choosing divorce!
Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. -Mathew 1:19, NIV Sometimes divorce is the best of the bad options left. Today, I want to celebrate the courageous ones. The divorced who chose ridicule … Continue reading “Shout out to faithful spouses courageously choosing divorce!”
Dear DM, Is divorce okay in my situation?
Hi Pastor Dave (DM): I think I am doing the right thing in allowing or agreeing to my divorce. I have your book and have started reading through it. Maybe you touch on it later. So far the book is focusing mainly on affairs where there has been physical contact/adultery. Here is my situation: In … Continue reading “Dear DM, Is divorce okay in my situation?”
Treat as an unbeliever…
“If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.” -Matthew 18:17, NLT ~~~ But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage … Continue reading “Treat as an unbeliever…”
Stop blaming yourself, faithful spouse!
“For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery….” -Mark 7:21-22a, NLT When infidelity and abandonment via divorce occur, the faithful spouse may struggle with blaming themselves. I know I did. It is part of the grief process. We are trying to control the uncontrollable. That means we take … Continue reading “Stop blaming yourself, faithful spouse!”
Subtle blame in churches
The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. Ezekiel 18:20a, NIV Sometimes church leaders subtly blame faithful spouses for a divorce from a cheater. I say that it is subtle because it almost … Continue reading “Subtle blame in churches”