Greetings DM.

Your blog is so comforting for those that have been soul raped and beaten up by the Church, but I must admit that I’m in a kind of a dissonant situation, I was my whole Christian life taught that adultery break the marriage covenant, abandonment and in my very particular vision violence do too, but in recent years I’ve been hearing a lot of voices ( in the Christian Community) that said, that no matter what happens in a covenant, it might be breached but that doesn’t let anyone free from it, that in the eyes of God, man CAN NOT separate what he has joined, is not a matter of not doing it, but a matter of being imposible to do so, that if God wants someone free from a marriage then He would decide the death of the Spouse, like He did with Abigail, there is no other way, and that he allowed divorce, but never remarriage, and no matter if the other person have marry 20 times after the first marriage, God still sees that person married to the first spouse, because you have the obligation to wait for the other person to repent, that God is going to give you the gift of celibacy, and since God forgave and waited for us, that the same attitude is expected from us, that no matter how hard, or what have happened your are bound till death by that covenant, and sometimes it makes so much sense, because we are to be Holy as he is Holy, and to suffer for the kingdom and so much and so on, but on the other hand I think that it would be so unfair, I’m pretty much confused and really makes think about the character of God, he is merciful, but merciful can mean wait until the other person repents (no matter how long or how hard that might be), and merciful can also be ( you are free from a person that only damages you and betrays you) it’s really confusing for me to understand, I guess it’s a matter of wisdom.

I hope you can give some clarity in theses issues.

Your sister in the Lord,
Pamela D.

Dear Pamela,

Thank you for your kind words about this blog ministry! I find it encouraging this website continues to be used of the Lord to help people. It is now nearly 7 years old.

Let’s dig into your questions. You write,

…I’ve been hearing a lot of voices ( in the Christian Community) that said, that no matter what happens in a covenant, it might be breached but that doesn’t let anyone free from it, that in the eyes of God, man CAN NOT separate what he has joined, is not a matter of not doing it, but a matter of being imposible to do so, that if God wants someone free from a marriage then He would decide the death of the Spouse, like He did with Abigail, there is no other way, and that he allowed divorce, but never remarriage…

Ok?! This is an odd and very twisted view of biblical divorce.

First, Jesus–who is God–allowed for divorce in the case of sexual infidelity (see Mt 5:32 and Mt. 19:9). Divorce is the separation of what God brought together. God, Himself, is allowing for this separation via Jesus’ own words. I will go with God’s words over modern Christian interpretations any and every day!

Second, I find the whole Christian crowd who is fine with divorce but not remarriage strange. A more consistent position is accepting separation but not divorce. The only reason you get divorce in the eyes of the law is to allow for the possibility of remarriage. If God allows divorce, it follows that God allows remarriage.

…no matter if the other person have marry 20 times after the first marriage, God still sees that person married to the first spouse, because you have the obligation to wait for the other person to repent, that God is going to give you the gift of celibacy…

This is a twisted interpretation, too.

Where does the Bible say that God will explicitly give you the gift of celibacy? My Bible does not have that verse. That is a spiritually dangerous thing to tell someone without rock solid support.

…since God forgave and waited for us, that the same attitude is expected from us, that no matter how hard, or what have happened your are bound till death by that covenant….

Did God do this for all of the Jewish people? They were the people of His first covenant. (The answer is a negative–see Romans 11.)

My point is God respects our choices to reject Him. Similarly, we may respect the choices of our cheater to reject us and godly covenant keeping.

I’m pretty much confused and really makes think about the character of God, he is merciful, but merciful can mean wait until the other person repents (no matter how long or how hard that might be), and merciful can also be ( you are free from a person that only damages you and betrays you) it’s really confusing for me to understand, I guess it’s a matter of wisdom.

This cuts to the heart of the problem with people who refuse to allow remarriage while the first (ex) spouse is alive. You see, their interpretation lacks mercy for the victim. This is wholly outside the character of God.

In the Old Testament, the adulterous party would be put to death (e.g. Deuteronomy 22:22). This would clearly free the faithful party to remarry.

On the one hand, I find it odd that Christians would extend the mercy of divorce to cheaters–namely, they can be divorced as opposed to stoned to death now. Yet they would take away the freedom such a sentence gave to the faithful party in the Old Testament.

Something is seriously wrong with your hermeneutics when the Old Testament law is more merciful to victims than New Testament “grace!”

I will close with a point from Jesus’ words in Mathew 19:9:

In this verse, he gives permission to divorce over sexual infidelity. The assumption in biblical times was for women–especially–to remarry. So, I would argue Jesus was giving permission to both divorce and remarry in this verse.

Does God ever give us permission to sin? Of course, not!

Hope that helps clear things up!

-Pastor David (aka Divorce Minister)