-When the blame-shifting starts… -When the pastor or counselor suggests you drove the cheater to it by doing… -When the cheater whines, “Why!” to the divorce… “It’s not me; it’s you.” Stop wasting your time on figuring out what you did to “deserve” this. You did not deserve it! Your action or inaction did … Continue reading “It’s not me, it’s you.”
Author: Divorce Minister
Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses
14 If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. 15 I tell you the truth, the wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorrah will be better off than such a town on the judgment day. -Matthew 10:14-15, NLT A Futile Enterprise When first discovered, … Continue reading “Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses”
Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends
Even half a decade removed, I continue to consider my ex-wife’s two lives baffling. The woman I thought I married in 2006, and the woman who committed adultery against me in 2012 are not compatible in my mind. How do you go from an active, committed evangelical leader in college to a woman professing her … Continue reading “Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends”
Cheaters as Broken.
Cheaters are broken. However, this does not mean that they are any less responsible for their own behavior. They still need to do the hard work of finding good help and changing. They must be broken in some sense–i.e. not functioning as they ought. How else can you explain a human living a double life … Continue reading “Cheaters as Broken.”
Validation Before Forgiveness Talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! My personal experience as well as with those I … Continue reading “Validation Before Forgiveness Talk”
Need Seminary Classes Dealing With Divorce and Infidelity Situations
If I could write my own ticket, I would teach a seminary class on helping adultery victims and holding cheaters accountable. -Included in this class would be a primer on how divorce is not always sin as well as how divorce can be a mercy to victims of infidelity. Anger and ire ought to be … Continue reading “Need Seminary Classes Dealing With Divorce and Infidelity Situations”
Get Your Own Divorce Lawyer!
If you are expecting someone who majored in deception to play fair during a divorce, then you are dangerously naive. Please, get your own divorce lawyer! Cheaters are notorious for trying to set the narrative and play by their own rules, which seem to change with their moods. A divorce lawyer will force cheaters to … Continue reading “Get Your Own Divorce Lawyer!”
Wise Not To “Be Friends” With Some Cheaters
Some cheaters will never give up their narrative of “what went wrong.” Naive Christians think such madness is finite. They think the cheater will “have to” face the difficult reality some day. Surely, she will eventually come to her senses and face the reality that she blew up her marriage by committing adultery. Don’t count … Continue reading “Wise Not To “Be Friends” With Some Cheaters”
She Did NOT Fixate On Money!
“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” -Luke 16:13, NLT When I first married, the wedding celebration was rife with conversation from my (now ex) in-law family as I remember … Continue reading “She Did NOT Fixate On Money!”
Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.”
Pastors, Please stop making divorce “jokes.” When faithful spouses hear pastors talking about how grateful they are that their wives haven’t left them, this is insensitive to those in the pews who have been abandoned by cheaters–especially. Such “joking” is teaching: -You are teaching your people divorce happens over everyday irritations in marriage. Do you … Continue reading “Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.””