If we hear someone murdered, we don’t say, “it could have been me.” If we hear someone robbed a bank, we don’t hear pastors say, “it could have been me.” But when it comes to cheating on your wife? Oh, yeah, that could have been me. -Sheila Wray Gregoire, “The Terrible Takes on Philip Yancey’s … Continue reading “Helpful Resource Exposing Poor Responses To Affairs”
Author: Divorce Minister
Guilt, not shame
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A “guilt … Continue reading “Guilt, not shame”
A song trigger
Yesterday, Mrs. and Munchkin were with me at a local restaurant. A country song came on overhead, and I was immediately transported to my first honeymoon. Poignant was the memory. Kind of sad but also happy in the sense that it was a joyous time when the memory was made. This is grief. I am … Continue reading “A song trigger”
Warped Sense of Reality Vortex
There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise. –Proverbs 26:12, NLT They traded the truth about God for a lie…. –Romans 1:25a, NLT Cheaters can come across as so confident in their lies. This confidence has the power to make even the most stalwart faithful spouse second-guess their instincts, hard evidence, … Continue reading “Warped Sense of Reality Vortex”
Be with life-giving friends
Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. -Psalm 103:15, NLT I work in a field where I encounter death on a fairly regular basis. Such is the environment of a chaplain in a medical field. These encounters bring clarity that is often lost on a society, which tries to … Continue reading “Be with life-giving friends”
Season for divorce?
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Sometimes choosing divorce is the best of bad options left for a faithful spouse. This is why I cite this wisdom verse. It is allegedly written by the wisest of all humans–bar Jesus–King Solomon. Everything means everything. That includes … Continue reading “Season for divorce?”
On oversharing
Some people just cannot handle the souls of others well. The conversation where a faithful spouse spills their grief and pain results in a shaming exercise where the Christian listener warns the faithful spouse about bitterness and God’s hatred of divorce. I know I fell into the “oversharing trap” early in my marriage’s dissolution. Too … Continue reading “On oversharing”
Emotional Foreplay aka Emotional Affairs
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. -Matthew 5:28, NIV We ought to treat and think of emotional affairs like emotional foreplay. Emotional affairs are leading in a certain direction. Like foreplay, the point is to culminate in full-blown sexual contact. … Continue reading “Emotional Foreplay aka Emotional Affairs”
NOT a side issue!
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. -Hebrews 13:4, NKJV Cheating is NOT a side issue to marriage issues! It cuts to the core of the relationship. In fact, you have no marriage to even consider really as long as one partner is cheating. The cheater has decided to … Continue reading “NOT a side issue!”
Not Just An Option
When a spouse is entertaining another relationship as a “potential” affair partner, they already have crossed over the line into emotional affair territory. The decision to “forsake all others” was already made publicly in a wedding ceremony. This decision is being betrayed when a spouse starts revisiting that decision in considering other mate options. They … Continue reading “Not Just An Option”