“But I protected YOUR reputation with our friends,” says Cheater. The manipulation is the Cheater expects the “same” in return. (I use scare quotes as I doubt the Cheater actually did this.) They assume here the faithful spouse will lie for the cheater in order to make them look good to their mutual friends. I … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “But I protected YOUR reputation!””
Author: Divorce Minister
Not really the choice
Even a faithful spouse “choosing” to divorce their cheater is really not the choice. They had chosen to be married for life to a person who left all others. However, that person decided to change things. They chose adultery. That just left bad options for the faithful spouse. The faithful spouse choosing divorce is a person … Continue reading “Not really the choice”
Surprise Anger
She should have begged. I was thinking about the time my now ex-wife admitted to her cheating. She was crying crocodile tears over the phone. These were not tears for me but rather manipulative tears. At the end of her cheating admission, she wanted me to know her cheating wasn’t the reason for her divorcing … Continue reading “Surprise Anger”
Two Big Pastoral Errors
After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has….” -Job 42:7, NIV Over and over, I see two common pastoral errors in “helping” faithful spouses. They … Continue reading “Two Big Pastoral Errors”
No Circle Backs
Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. -Proverbs 18:2, NLT No Circle Backs People who were hard on me did not apologize once it became known that my (now) ex-wife was cheating. They did not circle back and acknowledge that their perspective might have been overly harsh and … Continue reading “No Circle Backs”
Twelve Years! Double My First Marriage.
Twelve Years Strong! When I went through my divorce from my cheater, I had no idea about my future. Everything looked dark and very bleak. That included employment as well as family dreams. So much changed on this day twelve years ago! It remains the happiest day of my life. To the fear purveyors around … Continue reading “Twelve Years! Double My First Marriage.”
Grateful for God’s Anger!
In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. -Psalm 18:6-7, NKJV My God gets … Continue reading “Grateful for God’s Anger!”
Souls are eternal, NOT marriages!
For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven. -Matthew 22:30, KJV This verse is very clear. Jesus tells us human marriage does not endure in heaven. Since this is true, spiritual counsel ought to take this into account. The priority ought to … Continue reading “Souls are eternal, NOT marriages!”
As Jesus did.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you. -Colossians 3:13b, NIV How forgiving was Jesus to the Pharisees? Jesus understood that some people wanted nothing to do with his forgiveness. They were self-righteous, and in their minds, they needed none of his. This is the usual crowd of cheaters. They often behave like Pharisees. Some are especially … Continue reading “As Jesus did.”
Cheating is deliberate sin!
People downplay the deliberateness of cheating. All sorts of language is employed to minimize what is truly something very clearly chosen by the cheater… again and again. They might call it “a mistake,” “a cry for help,” or “one night stand.” All of this is minimizing the choices that led to the infidelity plus the sinful … Continue reading “Cheating is deliberate sin!”