All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. -John 3:20, NLT Cheaters are often so worried about how they will be seen by others. They don’t want to be viewed as the “bad guy” in the marriage ending. So, they will present marriage … Continue reading “Viewed As”
Author: Divorce Minister
The “Find Myself” Cheater
Wisdom shouts in the streets. She cries out in the public square. … They rejected my advice and paid no attention when I corrected them. -Proverbs 1:20, NLT The “Find Myself” Cheater This Cheater gives the “excuse” for their cheating as a heroic “find myself” quest. They are not leaving you because of you, but … Continue reading “The “Find Myself” Cheater”
To my dudes: Happy Father’s Day!
Today, we celebrate fathers. This includes men who are biological fathers, spiritual fathers, or step-fathers. We celebrate those men who have stepped up and been there calling out the gold in your children. Next to being married to Mrs. DM, this is my favorite role–dad to Munchkin. I feel God was recklessly generous to me … Continue reading “To my dudes: Happy Father’s Day!”
Cheater Generated Anxieties
One of the many difficulties of dealing with a cheater is how they induce panic and anxiety in us. I can remember feeling such panic and anxiety during each interaction with my cheater. Maybe it is just me?! But I doubt it. This fear and panic comes from all the nasty surprises one gets in … Continue reading “Cheater Generated Anxieties”
Toying with you
Cheaters seem to enjoy toying with their spouses. I remember this phase as such a hurtful time. In one moment, I had hope, and then the other it was shattered. It sucked. This is when having clear-eyed friends is so critical. Faithful spouses need the difficult truth in these moments so that they do not … Continue reading “Toying with you”
Deceitful Cheater Hearts
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? -Jeremiah 17:9, KJV I think this verse is especially true of the so called “Christian” cheaters. They lie to themselves first. Then they lie to others. If you were not the recipient of the harm, you could almost feel pity for … Continue reading “Deceitful Cheater Hearts”
Forgiveness Over Repentance Focused
“If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive.” -Luke 17:3b, NLT I wonder if you have experienced versions of these questions or statements. They usually come from well-meaning (but emotionally and biblically tone-deaf) Christians: “So, have you forgiven her?” “Where are you at in forgiving him?” “I hope you can … Continue reading “Forgiveness Over Repentance Focused”
Fellowship of the Forsaken
“My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” -Matthew 27:46b, KJV When I was struggling the most, these words from Jesus brought me the greatest comfort. They were reminders to me that God understood the pain and suffering that I was enduring. He could relate. Jesus understands what it meant to suffer unjustly. Jesus understands … Continue reading “Fellowship of the Forsaken”
Lifestyle of Lies Problem
“You belong to your father, the devil… When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44a,c, NIV When lies become a lifestyle, it is hard to break free of those bad habits. This is why I have such a low estimation of a cheater’s … Continue reading “Lifestyle of Lies Problem”
“There, but for the grace of God, go I” Minimization
“There, but for the grace of God, go I.” This statement looks like such a “humble” thing to say. However, it serves to minimize abuse and centers compassion on the abuser, not his victims. People who say these things do not “get it.” They fail to understand how the abuse of infidelity abuse works. In … Continue reading ““There, but for the grace of God, go I” Minimization”