“I will forgive her even if she cheated on me,” says faithful spouse.
“Well, you’d just keep that hanging over her head,” says Cheater Apologist.
What is ironic about this response is how tone deaf it is regarding what hangs over the faithful spouse!
A faithful spouse who “reconciles” and stays in the marriage will forever have the knowledge that their spouse conspired against them and deceived them in cheating. That’s a pretty big burden to take.
But if you are a cheater (or cheater apologist), all you see is how it impacts YOU!
They did not care about you when they cheated–or at least, not enough–and they still do not. This response is revealing a heart that is still stuck in sinful selfishness. They are demonstrating a sick unwillingness to see the situation from their victim’s perspective.
Cheaters sowed the seeds of distrust by lying and cheating. Then they are complaining about the consequences of having a spouse who struggles to trust them again!
A repentant cheater understands. They would understand forgiveness and trust are different things. Plus, they would understand that rebuilding the trust that they destroyed may take the rest of the “marriage.” Certainly, they would NOT complain about having to do this work.
Cheaters and their apologists still focused on how things impact them are simply feeding the fire that caused the problem–i.e. selfish entitlement. They need less selfishness and more compassion for their victims.
