But they were broken off because of unbelief, and you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but tremble. For if God did not spare the natural branches, he will not spare you either.

-Romans 11:20b-21, NIV

An often used argument against faithful spouses choosing divorce from a cheater is the analogy to God’s covenant with his people.

I consider this a spiritually abusive argument. Isolated verses and passages are used to shame faithful spouses into either staying in adultery-ravaged marriages or into remaining unmarried after being discarded by their cheater.

The classical text used this way is the book of Hosea. This book has the prophet Hosea marry and remain married to a known prostitute, Gomer. The problem with using this as marriage advice is myriad. You can read more on those problems here where I tackle other misapplied texts as well.

Back to the spiritually abusive argument:

The idea is people talk about how God pursues us even though we commit adultery in our hearts with other idols. God keeps His covenant–i.e. marriage–with us despite our sinfulness. We are His bride and will be with Him forever as He has not given up on us despite our spiritually adultery.

While a nice sounding argument, it does not take into consideration the full counsel of Scripture. In particular, it ignores Romans 11 and Hebrews 10:26-27. These passages suggested that people once in the family of God are indeed “divorced” for ongoing disbelief or spiritual adultery, if you will.

This makes sense to me from my understanding of God. He is both holy and loving:

God does not compel us to remain in relationship with Him. Like a spurned husband, He will allow us to walk away choosing darkness over Him. That is how I see Hebrews 10:26-27 and Romans 11.

God does not force us to remain with Him, and He will not tolerate ongoing, unrepentant sin as He is holy.

Let’s consider the Romans 11 passage. The Jewish people had a covenant with God, yet the Apostle Paul teaches us in Romans 11 that God broke some of them off. That means these experienced a divorce of sorts.

And God did not restore them.

That is clear as you read further in the chapter about how Gentiles are not to get too comfortable in their newly inherited covenant position with God, or God may choose not to spare them either!

I do not understand how God’s grace and holiness work together at all times. However, I do know from Hebrews 10:26-27 that those who have experienced God’s grace and yet refuse to forsake sin will experience a similar “divorce” from God in a fiery end for them.

Saying God tolerates our sins and keeps pursuing us does not take these chilling passages into account and thereby distorts the truth about God’s covenant relationship with us.

A precedent for faithful spouses to divorce cheaters is clear in the Bible if you are willing to accept passages that undermine feel-good, cheap grace teachings about God.