I envy some faithful spouses.
The cheater cheats on them, gets discovered, and the faithful spouse does not even blink an eye in telling that cheater it is over. They refuse to be treated like that.
They exercise their permission to divorce without looking back.
That wasn’t me.
I suspect many of us did what I did–namely, I continued hoping even through the dried ink on the divorce decree that the marriage would survive with the cheater repenting. She didn’t, and it didn’t, of course.
So, I know how hard it is to have such wonderfully enforced boundaries.
Now, I have grown in my assertiveness and ability to set boundaries since my divorce. Mrs. DM acknowledges such improvements–particularly the assertiveness ones.
So, I guess that is my way of saying there is hope for you, too, if you struggled with setting your boundaries and being assertive with your cheater.
That said, I tip my hat to those of us who did not tolerate the cheating, even for a second, once discovered. Impressive!
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*A version of this post ran previously.
I would love to believe my UH and I could survive better, but into month 2 after Dday, I know for a fact now that isn’t going to happen. He isn’t going to change his ways. He isn’t going to cut his AP out of the picture. This ordeal has been more traumatic for me than growing up in a home with a domestic abuser who literally nearly killed my mom. At least I knew I couldn’t trust my step-dad. Part of me wishes I realized this last month, but at least I’m not going to waste years trying to fix something he himself said “doesn’t need to be fixed”.
I lost a month of my life where I truly didn’t know who I was, complete with mental breakdowns and PTSD. I won’t get that back, but at least I won’t let him take anymore of me away.