“You shall not commit adultery.”
-Exodus 20:14, NKJV
Does it make it any less sinful to cheat if the marriage is troubled?
The correct answer to this is “No.” Adultery is adultery. Sin is sin. Circumstances around the sin do not matter as far as determining if the behavior is sin or not.
I see no “escape clause” in the Ten Commandments for a pass in committing adultery.
When adultery is labelled “an exit affair,” it obscures this important more and theological point. The person who cheated is still fully responsible for breaking God’s commandments. It is not on the marriage or the faithful spouse.
Labeling the adultery as an “exit affair” minimizes the moral gravity of what happened and hamstrings the ability of the cheater to truly repent as the cheater is shifting blame away from themselves with such a label.
It is best to call sin, sin. It is best to remember the only person who chose to sin is the sinner. Anything less than this understanding and teaching will lead to facilitating further spiritual sickness and destruction.
In what was supposed to be a marriage counseling session, my now former wife said the one thing she learned about the divorce process is she should have left me when she had decided to move on, about three months before her affair with a married man began, and about four months before she discarded me outright and openly. She admitted in the session she could not leave me on her own and purposely surrounded herself with people who would support her in ending our marriage the way she did. She wanted to end the marriage in such a way, it could never go back (her words). I had never heard of anything so nefarious as an “exit affair”. At the time I was simply trying to understand just what went wrong in my marriage, and the term, “exit affair” gave it a name I could easily comprehend. It was later that I found out she was telling people I had been abusive to her in the marriage. So I am sure she also told people she had to get out, and having an affair was the only way she could do it. But no matter how one looks at the situation, the fact that she cheated with a married man invalidates any excuse she may have given for wanting to leave the marriage.
Several years later I am blessed that God is allowing me to look at these horrible events as only memories. I no longer ruminate over the circumstances. I am not as far along as you are, DM. But I am grateful for your articles as they have given me grounding and clarity during this difficult journey of healing and moving forward with life.