Keep to a path far from her [adulteress], do not go near the door of her house, lest you lose your honor to others and your dignity to one who is cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich the house of another.

-Proverbs 8-10, NIV

How do I feel about the affair partner(s)?

Obviously, an affair partner is party to sin. They are responsible for willfully violating God’s law. These individuals are in sin like the adulterous partner.

That said, I still lay greater responsibility at the feet of the adulterous spouse.

They are the one who specifically failed to keep their vows to the faithful spouse. Yes, the affair partner played a role. However, that role would never have been played if the cheater had kept their marriage vows of fidelity.

I remember having great anger towards my (now) ex-wife’s adultery partner initially.

Then I came to realize that the problem wasn’t really him. I was wasting emotional energy towards him. In fact, I think my (now) ex-wife would have loved the drama of me fighting him over her. But that would miss the point:

Like any cheater, in my opinion, the problem resides in the wicked heart of the cheater.

He was just the body that led to the external manifestation of the evil in the cheater’s heart.

Sure, the adultery partner is guilty of sin.

But I think focusing anger on this party is simply another smokescreen for a cheater who is adept at dodging their fuller responsibility in the matter. That is how I see it.    

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*A version of this post ran previously.